CHAPTER XXXVI.

Of the first beginnings of a beginner.

THE beginnings of a holy life, said the Servitor to the daughter, are various. One person begins in one way, and another in an other; but as regards the beginning, to which your questions refer, I will tell you about it. I know a man in Christ, who, when he began to give himself to God, first cleared out his conscience by a general confession; and he 163spared no pains to make this confession well, by exposing every sin that he had committed to a prudent confessor, in order that he might go pure and clean from the confessor, who sits in God’s place, and that all his sins might be forgiven him, as happened to Mary Magdalen, when, with penitent heart and tearful eyes, she washed Christ’s feet, and God forgave her all her sins. Such was the first beginning of this man’s turning to God.

The daughter laid this example very much to heart, and she wished to lose no time in imitating it, and she conceived a great desire to make her confession to the Servitor, thinking that he would be the one best suited for her; and it was her intention also, in doing this, to become thereby his spiritual daughter, and so to have a greater claim upon his godly care.

Now it so happened that the confession could not be made by word of mouth. She therefore passed in review her whole life, which, in very truth, had been a pure and innocent one; and whatever sins it seemed to her that she had committed, she wrote down on a large waxen tablet, which she then fastened up and sent to him, begging him to pronounce absolution over her sins.

When he read through the confession, he came to the following words at the bottom of the tablet:—Gracious sir, I, a sinful creature, fall down now at your feet and beseech you, with your true and faithful heart, to bring me back again into God’s heart, and to let me be called your child in time and in eternity. The daughter’s confiding devotion touched him very much, and, turning to God, he said:—Merciful God, what answer is Thy Servitor to make to this? Shall I drive her from me? I should not like to treat a dog thus. O Lord, if I did this, it might reflect ill upon Thee, my Lord and Master; for she seeks the Lord’s wealth in His servant. O gentle Lord, I cast myself at Thy holy feet, and beseech Thee, kind Lord, to hear her. Let her have the benefit of her good faith and hearty confidence, for she cries after us. How didst Thou treat the heathen woman? Ah! kind Heart, see how far and wide the fame of Thy unfathomable bountifulness has spread amongst us. O kindly Goodness, turn Thy gentle eyes towards her, and say to her one single little word of consolation. Say then, “Confide filia, fides tua te salvam fecit,”—Be of good heart, daughter; thy faith has saved thee. And bring Thou it to pass in my stead; 165for I have done what rests with me, and I have wished her a full absolution from all her sins.

He wrote back the following answer to her by the same messenger:—What thou hast asked of God through the Servitor has come to pass, and thou must know that it was all shown to him by God beforehand. Early this very morning, when his prayer was ended, he sat down for a brief moment of repose; and his bodily senses being stilled in ecstasy, many divine mysteries were manifested to him. Among other things, he was enlightened to understand how God has made diversity of form to be the individualising principle of the angelic nature, and has given to each angel a special property which distinguishes him from the rest; all which it is impossible for him to express in words. After he had spent a good space of time in heavenly recreation with the angelic spirits, and was in very joyous mood through the exceeding wonderment which his soul had felt, it seemed to him, in the same vision, that thou didst come in and stand before him where he sat among the heavenly company, and then, kneeling down with great earnestness in front of him, didst bow thy face upon his heart, and continue kneeling thus with thy face bowed upon his 166heart, so that the angels who stood by beheld it. The brother marvelled at thy boldness, and yet thy bearing was so holy that he graciously permitted it. What manner of graces the Heavenly Father bestowed on thee, whilst thou wert bowed down upon the suffering heart, thou knowest right well, and they were visible upon thee; for when after a good while thou didst raise up thyself thy countenance was so joyous and full of grace, that it was quite evident God had bestowed some special grace upon thee; and He will do still more for thee through the same heart, that He may be glorified in it, and thou consoled.

The like happened also to a maiden named Anna, a noble and godly person, who dwelt in a castle, and who, moreover, led a life of pure unmingled suffering. God wrought great marvels in her from her youth up until her death. Before she knew the Servitor, or had ever heard of him, she was one day rapt in ecstasy at her devotions, and she saw how the Saints gaze upon and praise God in the court of heaven. Upon this she prayed her dear Apostle St. John, to whom she had a special devotion, to hear her confession. He answered her very lovingly:—I will give thee a good confessor in my place. 167God has granted him full authority over thee, and he can comfort thee well in thy manifold sufferings. She asked who and where he was, and what was his name:—all which St. John made known to her. She thanked God, and, rising early in the morning, went to the monastery which God had shown her, and asked for him. He came to her to the outer gate, and inquired of her what her business was. Upon this she made her confession to him, and when he heard the heavenly message, he consented, and fulfilled it.

This holy daughter also told him, that she had once seen in spirit a beautiful rose-tree, richly adorned with red roses, and on the rose-tree there appeared the little Child Jesus, with a garland of red roses. Beneath the rose-tree she saw the Servitor sitting. The little Child broke off many of the roses, and threw them upon the Servitor, so that he became all covered and bestrewed with roses. Upon this she asked the Child what the roses meant, and He answered:—The great quantity of roses signifies the manifold sufferings which God will send him, and which he must lovingly accept at God’s hands, and bear with patience.