ON SORROW FOR SIN

It is indeed a very great misery to live on in this evil world where our enemies are ever at our gate, and where we can neither eat nor sleep in peace, but are compelled to have our armour on night and day.  There is no rest here, nor happiness, nor will be till we are with the Everlastingly Blessed.  As I write I am seized with terror, lest I should never escape this sinful life.  Pray for me, my daughters, that Christ may ever live in me: for, otherwise, what security can there be for such as I am, who have been so wicked.  You may sometimes have thought, my daughters, that those to whom the Lord particularly communicates Himself, will be henceforth secure of enjoying Him for ever, and that they will have no need to fear or bewail their former sins.  But this is a great mistake.  Sorrow for sin increases in proportion as more and more grace is received from God.  And I, for my part, believe, that this bitter sorrow will never leave us till we come where neither sin nor anything else will ever disquiet us.  True, both past sin, and present sinfulness, affect us more at one time than at another; and, likewise, in a different manner.  I know one who often wishes for death, that she may be freed from the torment of her sinful heart.  No one’s sins can equal hers, because there can be no one who has obtained such favours of her God.  Her fear is not so much of hell, as that she should so grieve God’s Holy Spirit, that He will be wearied out, and will forsake her, and leave her in her sins.  This fear and pain is not at all eased by believing that her past sins have all been forgiven and forgotten of God.  Nay, her fear and pain but increase by seeing such mercy extended toward a woman who deserves nothing but hell.