THE THIRTEENTH CHAPTER.

A very humble Confession of Sins, and a Prayer to the Father for Forgiveness.

O Father Almighty, tender and merciful, I, a wretched and vile sinner, with as much lowliness as I can, and with full trust in the immensity of Thy goodness, cast myself down at Thy Feet, and confess with inward sorrow of heart all my great and grievous sins, 104whereby I have offended Thee, my gracious Father, even to this very hour; and that I have not feared to commit those accursed crimes which Thy only and beloved Son so cruelly atoned for, and so bitterly expiated. I confess also to Thee, O most gracious Father, my manifold and great ingratitude, that even to this hour I have been ungrateful both to Thee, and to Thy Son, for all the love, and mercy, and faithfulness which Thou hast shown me; inasmuch as now, for so many years, in the midst of malice and sinfulness, Thou hast in Thy long-suffering spared me, and hast gently borne with all the wrong and contempt I have brought upon Thee by my disobedience and evil will; nay, even waited for my repentance with such infinite loving-kindness, in order that at some time or other Thou mightest get possession of my heart, and make Thy dwelling-place therein, and pour out upon it Thy love. And oh! how often, O Lord my God, hast Thou knocked at the door of my heart by Thine inspirations, and soothed me with Thy good gifts, and drawn me on by Thy consolations, and forced me on by the afflictions Thou hast sent me; and yet Thou last suffered Thyself to be driven back, for always have I turned my back on Thee. But even this Thou hast borne in mercy. Oh! how justly mightest Thou have cast me down 105into the depths of hell, yet hast Thou graciously spared me. Of a truth, it is wonderful, O sweet Father, that my heart breaketh not for exceeding great contrition, when I think of these things. Even hell itself hath not punishments many and cruel enough for all my wickedness and sin. I am not worthy that I should be called Thy creature, or that the earth should bear me up, or provide me with nourishment. Marvellous it is, O Lord, that Thy other creatures and all the elements have not taken vengeance together on the wrongs and contempt I have brought upon Thee by my manifold iniquity.

But now, O most faithful Father, have mercy upon me, I beseech Thee, and turn to me, a wretched and lonely sinner, the eyes of Thy divine grace and tenderness. Open to me the bowels of Thy lovingkindness; take me back again into Thy grace; pardon me for having so long delayed to turn to Thee. Throw open to me Thy fatherly bosom, and pour upon me the nourishment and comfort of Thy grace. I beseech Thee, O Lord God, work speedily in me, that for the sake of which hitherto Thou hast spared me, and for which from everlasting Thou hast foreordained me. And woe to me, unhappy sinner, because I have forsaken so loving, so tender a Father, Who hath never shown 106me anything but love, and kindness, and grace, and faithfulness, and because I have refused Thee my heart, which Thou, O God, hast decreed to be Thy temple, Thy dwelling-place, and Thy delight, and have made it foul with many stains, for indeed it hath been a vessel of iniquity, and the cave of unclean spirits. Openly I confess to Thee, O Lord, that of all whom the world holdeth, I am the most sinful. Nevertheless, in the immensity of Thy goodness I place my trust; for if my sins are above number, so also is Thy mercy.

O most loving Father, if Thou wilt, Thou canst indeed make me clean. Heal my soul, for I confess to Thee that I have sinned. Remember, O kind Lord, that comforting word of Thine, which Thou spakest by one of Thy prophets: “Thou hast committed fornication with many lovers; yet turn again to Me, and I will take thee back.” Of a truth, Father of Mercies, I trust much in this most sweet word, and with my whole heart I turn to Thee, as if Thou hadst spoken it to none but to me alone, and as if by that word Thou hadst meant to call me alone. For I, even I, unclean and unfaithful soul that I am, am that prodigal and unprofitable son, who miserably have gone far away from Thee, the Father of lights, from Whom flow all good things, and as a wandering sheep, have strayed far from Thee, 107and squandered and lost all those bountiful gifts which Thou hadst given me in such profusion. I have left Thee, the fountain of living water, and have dug for myself cisterns holding no water, by seeking outward consolation, for all temporal and perishable delight vanisheth away like smoke. I have left Thee, too, the Bread of Life, and I have fed myself with the husks of swine, by following my sensual appetites, and indulging my passions, like the beasts. I have left Thee, the Highest, and perfect, and Eternal Good, and I have let myself float down upon the stream of earthly pleasure that passeth rapidly away. Wherefore I have become naked, and poor, and wretched, and unclean, and, like the beast of the stall, I have become rotten in my own dung and filth. But I pray Thee, O Father, remember not the contempt and the wrong Thou hast received at my hands. For I have thought of my ways, and my evil life, and with my whole strength I have turned my feet towards Thy testimonies and Thy commandments. Yea! and in the bitterness of my soul I have counted all my years as evil and lost, and I have determined with myself to do Thy will, and to persevere in Thy faithful service. Lord! what wilt Thou have me to do? For I am ready not only to bear the easy yoke of Thy commandments, but also for Thy love to 108keep to hard paths, and to enter upon the strait and narrow way of the cross, and to take the cross upon my shoulders, and to follow Thine only and beloved Son. And now, O Father of heaven, I offer myself wholly to Thee, with all love, and with all my powers, as a living sacrifice; and whatsoever Thou wishest to do with me in time and eternity, I am ready to do or not to do, and to suffer whatever Thy goodness shall desire to come upon me. Take thorough vengeance upon me, O Lord, for all the wrong I have done Thee, for humbly do I bow myself beneath the scourge of Thy fatherly mercy. Bind, I beseech Thee, my hands and my feet, lest in aught I may rebel against Thee; for although the flesh indeed is weak, and without will, yet the spirit is altogether ready. I know, yes, of a truth, I know that so many adversities could not have come upon me, unless I had deserved greater and more for mine iniquities. Wherefore I ask for nothing but Thy grace from the depths of my heart, and that mercy may temper justice. But what shall I render unto Thee, O most gracious Father, for all that Thou hast done for me? Teach me by what works, by what service, by what offerings I ought to appease and reconcile Thee. Thou hast commanded us not to appear before Thee empty-handed. But what shall I offer 109Thee, who have nothing of my own. All this is why I humbly knock at the door of Thy rich Son, and beg an alms out of the infinite never-failing treasury of His most sacred Passion; and this I will offer Thee. Nay, I offer Thee this same only Son of Thine, in union with that love with which Thou didst offer Him to me, and didst send Him from Thy fatherly Heart into this world, that He might take our human nature, and undergo a most bitter death; and with Him I offer Thee all His merits, that is to say, of His Incarnation, Passion and Death; but more especially that shameful affliction and torment which He suffered when He was taken prisoner. Moreover I offer Thee His willing obedience, His unutterable lowliness and patience, and above all that burning love of His, with which He went forth to meet His enemies, and cheerfully, as if they had been His friends, gave Himself into their hands. In like manner, all the cruel chains, and blows, and buffets, and tramplings under foot, the contempt, the spittle, the mockery, the blasphemies, and whatever He suffered when He was taken, all this with overflowing heart and meek gratitude, I offer as a worthy sacrifice to Thy supreme glory, for all my sins and negligences. Accept, I beseech Thee, O most gracious Father, the merits of Thine only-begotten Son for all my iniquities. 110For whatever sin I have committed against Thy justice, all this Thy beloved and only Son hath paid for, and blotted out, and expiated by His Passion, and for all my defects He hath laden Himself with, and supplied for them. And what can be the sin so great, for which such suffering cannot implore pardon? What can be the stain so foul, that Christ’s warm blood cannot wash away? What malice can there be in man so deep-rooted and inveterate, which such burning love cannot melt away, and utterly burn out? Of a truth His Passion is stronger than our sins, and the riches of His merits are measureless and infinite, so as to outweigh all sins and negligences. Wherefore from these deep streams I draw whatever I see is wanting to me.

I offer Thee, then, His most innocent Death, and whatever He wrought in His human nature, together with all the merits of all the saints, and all the acts of virtue, and all the praise which shall be shown forth in Thy sight until the last judgment day, and throughout endless ages of ages. All this with as full a heart as I can, I offer Thee, as if they were all my own. Lastly, I offer Thee this oblation to Thine eternal glory for my own sins, and for those of all the living and the dead, for whom I am bound to pour forth prayers, and as Thou, O God, wishest to be entreated 111for them, and that Thou mayest be praised and blessed thereby for all eternity, and that thanksgiving may be made to Thee by all Thy creatures.