CHAPTER XLVII.

How steadfastly he must fight who would win the spiritual prize.

AT the first beginning of the Servitor’s conversion, he desired with all his heart to be singularly and pre-eminently well-pleasing to the loving God, but he expected to accomplish this without labour and suffering.

Now it happened once, when he went out into the country to preach, that he embarked on board a passenger ship on the Lake of Constance, and he observed there, sitting among the other passengers, a comely youth, gaily attired. He drew near the youth, and asked him what manner of man he was. The youth answered:—I am an esquire errant, and I bring the gentlefolk together, and arrange tournaments, in which they tilt and fight, and pay homage to fair ladies; and he who proves himself to be 246the best of all carries off the honour and the reward. The Servitor said:—And what is the reward? The esquire replied:—The most beautiful of the ladies present places a gold ring upon his finger. The Servitor asked further:—But tell me, dear friend, what must one do to carry off the honour and the ring? He answered:—He who proves to be the best at bearing sword-strokes and assaults, and who shows no faintheartedness in this, but behaves himself courageously and manfully, and sits firm, and bears up against the blows—he it is who receives the prize. The Servitor asked once more:—Tell me; if a man were only bold in the first onset, would that be enough? He replied:—No; he must remain firm to the very end of the tournament; and though the blows which he receives bring sparks of fire into his eyes, and make the blood burst from his mouth and nose, he must endure them all, if he is to obtain the glory of victory. The Servitor replied:—But, dear comrade, may he not weep or look mournful when he gets such terrible blows? He answered:—No; and though his heart sinks within him, as happens to many, he may not do anything of the kind; but he must bear himself joyously and bravely, otherwise 247he will become a laughing-stock, and lose the glory and the ring.

This discourse made the Servitor enter into himself, and, fetching a sigh from the depths of his heart, he said:—Ah! glorious Lord God! must the knights of this world endure so much suffering for such a small reward, which is in itself a very nothing! How fitting then it is that much greater labours should be undergone for the ever lasting prize! O sweet Lord, would that I were worthy to be Thy spiritual knight! O lovely Eternal Wisdom, who art rich in graces beyond aught in any land, would that my soul might receive a ring from Thee! To win it, I would suffer whatever might be Thy will! And he began to weep, from the great fervour which he felt.

When he arrived at the place to which he was going, God sent him great and cruel sufferings in such plenty that the poor Servitor nearly lost all his trust in God; and many eyes became wet with tears through pity for him. He had forgotten all his knightly daring and his promise, and he became melancholy and peevish with God, wondering within himself what God could have against him that He had sent him such great sufferings. In the morning, at daybreak, there came a calm over his 248soul; and his bodily senses being stilled in ecstasy, a voice spoke within him:—Where is now thy knightly prowess? What a knight of straw, and a scarecrow of a man he must be, who is so daring in prosperity, and so despairing in adversity! This is not the way to win the everlasting ring, for which thou longest. He replied:—O Lord! the jousts of the interior life, which must be borne for Thee, are far too long and wearisome. To this there came an answer:—Therefore the glory, and the honour, and the ring of My knights, who receive honour from Me, are stable and everlasting. Upon this the Servitor, entering into himself, said very humbly:—Lord! I am in the wrong. Only permit me to weep while I suffer, for my heart is very full. The answer came:—Alas for thee! Dost thou want to weep like a woman, and disgrace thyself before the court of heaven? Wipe thy eyes, and bear thyself joyously, so that neither God nor men may perceive that thou hast wept on account of sufferings. The Servitor began to laugh, and yet at the same time the tears were running down his cheeks, and he promised God that he would no more wish to weep, that so he might obtain from Him the spiritual ring.