CHAPTER II.

Of the preliminary combats of a beginner.

SOON after this impression had been made upon his soul by God, there began within him certain preliminary combats, in which the enemy sought to lead him astray from his salvation. The inward impulse, which he had received 8from God, urged him to turn away entirely from every thing which might be a hindrance to him. The tempter met this with the suggestion:—Bethink thee better. It is easy to begin, but it is hard to bring to completion. The voice within put forward God’s might and aid. The opposing voice replied, that God’s power was beyond doubt, but that His willingness was doubtful. This, however, was clearly proved to him; for the kind God has vouched for it in the good promise, which He uttered with His divine mouth, that He would verily and indeed help all those who should begin this work in His name.

When grace had gained the victory in him in this combat, there came a hostile thought in friendly form, counselling him thus:—It may be all right, that thou shouldst amend thy life; but do not set about it so impetuously. Begin with such moderation, that thou mayest be able to bring it to completion. Thou shouldst eat and drink heartily, and treat thyself well; and at the same time be on thy guard against sins. Be as good as thou pleasest within thyself, and yet with such moderation that the world with out may not take fright at thee, as the saying is. Is the heart good, all is good. Surely thou 9mayest be merry with people, and still be a good man. Others too wish to go to heaven, and yet do not lead a life of exercises such as thine. These and the like temptations pressed him hard. But the Eternal Wisdom overthrew for him these deceitful counsels thus:—The man who tries to hold by the tail that slippery fish, the eel, and to begin a holy life lukewarmly, will be deceived in both cases; for when he thinks he has them, they will have slipped from him. He too, who seeks with tender treatment to get the better of a pampered and refractory body, wants common sense. He who would possess this world, and yet serve God perfectly, tries for what is impossible, and seeks to falsify God’s own teaching. Wherefore, if thou art minded to forsake all, do so to good purpose. He tarried somewhat long in these thoughts; but at last taking courage, he turned himself away from every thing with all his might.

His untamed spirit had in the beginning to die many deaths in breaking away from frivolous companions. Sometimes nature overcame him, and he would go to them to cheer himself; but it commonly fell out, that he went to them merry, and left them sad; for their talk and 10sports were no pleasure to him, and his were unendurable to them. At times, when he came to them, they would try his patience with such words as these. One would say:—What strange ways thou hast taken up! Another would answer:—An ordinary life is the safest. While a third would add:—It will never come to a good end. Thus they passed him on from one to another. But he kept silence, as one dumb, and he thought within himself:—Ah, gentle God! there is nothing better to be done than to flee from them. If thou hadst not heard these cruel words, they could have done thee no hurt.

One thing was a sore suffering to him. He had no one to whom he could pour out his grief, and who pursued the same end in the same way, that he had been called to pursue it. Therefore he went on his way in wretchedness, pining for love; and with mighty efforts he withdrew himself from creatures,—a practice which afterwards became very sweet to him.