"THE air is fresh, but in my apartment it is not so in any sense

of the word. Let us walk slowly, sir. I should be glad of your kind

interest."

    "I too have something important to say to you," observed

Alyosha, "only I don't know how to begin."

    "To be sure you must have business with me. You would never have

looked in upon me without some object. Unless you come simply to

complain of the boy, and that's hardly likely. And, by the way,

about the boy: I could not explain to you in there, but here I will

describe that scene to you. My tow was thicker a week ago- I mean my

beard. That's the nickname they give to my beard, the schoolboys

most of all. Well, your brother Dmitri Fyodorovitch was pulling me

by my beard, I'd done nothing, he was in a towering rage and

happened to come upon me. He dragged me out of the tavern into the

market place; at that moment the boys were coming out of school, and

with them Ilusha. As soon as he saw me in such a state he rushed up to

me. 'Father,' he cried, 'father!' He caught hold of me, hugged me,

tried to pull me away, crying to my assailant, 'Let go, let go, it's

my father, forgive him!'- yes, he actually cried 'forgive him.' He

clutched at that hand, that very hand, in his little hands and

kissed it.... I remember his little face at that moment, I haven't

forgotten it and I never shall!"

    "I swear," cried Alyosha, "that my brother will express his most

deep and sincere regret, even if he has to go down on his knees in

that same market-place.... I'll make him or he is no brother of mine!

    "Aha, then it's only a suggestion! And it does not come from him

but simply from the generosity of your own warm heart. You should have

said so. No, in that case allow me to tell you of your brother's

highly chivalrous soldierly generosity, for he did give expression

to it at the time. He left off dragging me by my beard and released

me: 'You are an officer,' he said, 'and I am an officer, if you can

find a decent man to be your second send me your challenge. I will

give satisfaction, though you are a scoundrel.' That's what he said. A

chivalrous spirit indeed! I retired with Ilusha, and that scene is a

family record imprinted forever on Ilusha's soul. No, it's not for

us to claim the privileges of noblemen. Judge for yourself. You've

just been in our mansion, what did you see there? Three ladies, one

a cripple and weak-minded, another a cripple and hunchback and the

third not crippled but far too clever. She is a student, dying to

get back to Petersburg, to work for the emancipation of the Russian

woman on the banks of the Neva. I won't speak of Ilusha, he is only

nine. I am alone in the world, and if I die, what will become of all

of them? I simply ask you that. And if I challenge him and he kills me

on the spot, what then? What will become of them? And worse still,

if he doesn't kill me but only cripples me: I couldn't work, but I

should still be a mouth to feed. Who would feed it and who would

feed them all? Must I take Ilusha from school and send him to beg in

the streets? That's what it means for me to challenge him to a duel.

It's silly talk and nothing else."

    "He will beg your forgiveness, he will bow down at your feet in

the middle of the marketplace," cried Alyosha again, with glowing

eyes.

    "I did think of prosecuting him," the captain went on, "but look

in our code, could I get much compensation for a personal injury?

And then Agrafena Alexandrovna* sent for me and shouted at me:

'Don't dare to dream of it! If you proceed against him, I'll publish

it to all the world that he beat you for your dishonesty, and then you

will be prosecuted.' I call God to witness whose was the dishonesty

and by whose commands I acted, wasn't it by her own and Fyodor

Pavlovitch's? And what's more,' she went on, 'I'll dismiss you for

good and you'll never earn another penny from me. I'll speak to my

merchant too' (that's what she calls her old man) 'and he will dismiss

you!' And if he dismisses me, what can I earn then from anyone?

Those two are all I have to look to, for your Fyodor Pavlovitch has

not only given over employing me, for another reason, but he means

to make use of papers I've signed to go to law against me. And so I

kept quiet, and you have seen our retreat. But now let me ask you: did

Ilusha hurt your finger much? I didn't like to go into it in our

mansion before him."



    * Grushenka.



    "Yes, very much, and he was in a great fury. He was avenging you

on me as a Karamazov, I see that now. But if only you had seen how

he was throwing stones at his schoolfellows! It's very dangerous. They

might kill him. They are children and stupid. A stone may be thrown

and break somebody's head."

    "That's just what has happened. He has been bruised by a stone

to-day. Not on the head but on the chest, just above the heart. He

came home crying and groaning and now he is ill."

    "And you know he attacks them first. He is bitter against them

on your account. They say he stabbed a boy called Krassotkin with a

penknife not long ago."

    "I've heard about that too, it's dangerous. Krassotkin is an

official here, we may hear more about it."

    "I would advise you," Alyosha went on warmly, "not to send him

to school at all for a time till he is calmer. and his anger is

passed."

    "Anger!" the captain repeated, "that's just what it is. He is a

little creature, but it's a mighty anger. You don't know all, sir. Let

me tell you more. Since that incident all the boys have been teasing

him about the 'wisp of tow.' Schoolboys are a merciless race,

individually they are angels, but together, especially in schools,

they are often merciless. Their teasing has stiffed up a gallant

spirit in Ilusha. An ordinary boy, a weak son, would have submitted,

have felt ashamed of his father, sir, but he stood up for his father

against them all. For his father and for truth and justice. For what

he suffered when he kissed your brother's hand and cried to him

'Forgive father, forgive him,'- that only God knows- and I, his

father. For our children- not your children, but ours- the children of

the poor gentlemen looked down upon by everyone- know what justice

means, sir, even at nine years old. How should the rich know? They

don't explore such depths once in their lives. But at that moment in

the square when he kissed his hand, at that moment my Ilusha had

grasped all that justice means. That truth entered into him and

crushed him for ever, sir," the captain said hotly again with a sort

of frenzy, and he struck his right fist against his left palm as

though he wanted to show how "the truth" crushed Ilusha. "That very

day, sir, he fell ill with fever and was delirious all night. All that

day he hardly said a word to me, but I noticed he kept watching me

from the corner, though he turned to the window and pretended to be

learning his lessons. But I could see his mind was not on his lessons.

Next day I got drunk to forget my troubles, sinful man as I am, and

I don't remember much. Mamma began crying, too- I am very fond of

mamma- well, I spent my last penny drowning my troubles. Don't despise

me for that, sir, in Russia men who drink are the best. The best men

amongst us are the greatest drunkards. I lay down and I don't remember

about Ilusha, though all that day the boys had been jeering at him

at school. 'Wisp of tow,' they shouted, 'your father was pulled out of

the tavern by his wisp of tow, you ran by and begged forgiveness.'

    "On the third day when he came back from school, I saw he looked

pale and wretched. 'What is it?' I asked. He wouldn't answer. Well,

there's no talking in our mansion without mamma and the girls taking

part in it. What's more, the girls had heard about it the very first

day. Varvara had begun snarling. 'You fools and buffoons, can you ever

do anything rational?' 'Quite so,' I said,'can we ever do anything

rational?' For the time I turned it off like that. So in the evening I

took the boy out for a walk, for you must know we go for a walk

every evening, always the same way, along which we are going now- from

our gate to that great stone which lies alone in the road under the

hurdle, which marks the beginning of the town pasture. A beautiful and

lonely spot, sir. Ilusha and I walked along hand in hand as usual.

He has a little hand, his fingers are thin and cold- he suffers with

his chest, you know. 'Father,' said he, 'father!' 'Well?' said I. I

saw his eyes flashing. 'Father, how he treated you then!' 'It can't be

helped, Ilusha,' I said. 'Don't forgive him, father, don't forgive

him! At school they say that he has paid you ten roubles for it.'

'No Ilusha,' said I, 'I would not take money from him for anything.'

he began trembling all over, took my hand in both his and kissed it

again. 'Father,' he said, 'father, challenge him to a duel, at

school they say you are a coward and won't challenge him, and that

you'll accept ten roubles from him.' 'I can't challenge him to a duel,

Ilusha,' I answered. And I told briefly what I've just told you. He

listened. 'Father,' he said, anyway don't forgive it. When I grow up

I'll call him out myself and kill him.' His eyes shone and glowed. And

of course I am his father, and I had to put in a word: 'It's a sin

to kill,' I said, 'even in a duel.' 'Father,' he said, 'when I grow

up, I'll knock him down, knock the sword out of his hand, I'll fall on

him, wave my sword over him and say: "I could kill you, but I

forgive you, so there!"' You see what the workings of his little

mind have been during these two days; he must have been planning

that vengeance all day, and raving about it at night.

    "But he began to come home from school badly beaten, I found out

about it the day before yesterday, and you are right, I won't send him

to that school any more. I heard that he was standing up against all

the class alone and defying them all, that his heart was full of

resentment, of bitterness- I was alarmed about him. We went for

another walk. 'Father,' he asked, 'are the rich people stronger than

anyone else on earth?' 'Yes, Ilusha,' I said, 'there are no people

on earth stronger than the rich.' 'Father,' he said, 'I will get rich,

I will become an officer and conquer everybody. The Tsar will reward

me, I will come back here and then no one will dare- ' Then he was

silent and his lips still kept trembling. 'Father,' he said, 'what a

horrid town this is.' 'Yes, Ilusha,' I said, 'it isn't a very nice

town.' 'Father, let us move into another town, a nice one,' he said,

'where people don't know about us.' 'We will move, we will, Ilusha,'

said I, 'only I must save up for it.' I was glad to be able to turn

his mind from painful thoughts, and we began to dream of how we

would move to another town, how we would buy a horse and cart. 'We

will put mamma and your sisters inside, we will cover them up and

we'll walk, you shall have a lift now and then, and I'll walk

beside, for we must take care of our horse, we can't all ride.

That's how we'll go.' He was enchanted at that, most of all at the

thought of having a horse and driving him. For of course a Russian boy

is born among horses. We chattered a long while. Thank God, I thought,

I have diverted his mind and comforted him.

    "That was the day before yesterday, in the evening, but last night

everything was changed. He had gone to school in the morning, he

came back depressed, terribly depressed. In the evening I took him

by the hand and we went for a walk; he would not talk. There was a

wind blowing and no sun, and a feeling of autumn; twilight was

coming on. We walked along, both of us depressed. 'Well, my boy,' said

I, 'how about our setting off on our travels?' I thought I might bring

him back to our talk of the day before. He didn't answer, but I felt

his fingers trembling in my hand. Ah, I thought, it's a bad job;

there's something fresh. We had reached the stone where we are now.

I sat down on the stone. And in the air there were lots of kites

flapping and whirling. There were as many as thirty in sight. Of

course, it's just the season for the kites. 'Look, Ilusha,' said I,

'it's time we got out our last year's kite again. I'll mend it;

where have you put it away?' My boy made no answer. He looked away and

turned sideways to me. And then a gust of wind blew up the sand. He

suddenly fell on me, threw both his little arms round my neck and held

me tight. You know, when children are silent and proud, and try to

keep back their tears when they are in great trouble and suddenly

break down, their tears fall in streams. With those warm streams of

tears, he suddenly wetted my face. He sobbed and shook as though he

were in convulsions, and squeezed up against me as I sat on the stone.

'Father,' he kept crying, 'dear father, how he insulted you!' And I

sobbed too. We sat shaking in each other's arms. 'Ilusha,' I said to

him, 'Ilusha, darling.' No one saw us then. God alone saw us; I hope

He will record it to my credit. You must thank your brother, Alexey

Fyodorovitch. No, sir, I won't thrash my boy for your satisfaction."

    He had gone back to his original tone of resentful buffoonery.

Alyosha felt, though, that he trusted him, and that if there had

been someone else in his, Alyosha's place, the man would not have

spoken so openly and would not have told what he had just told. This

encouraged Alyosha, whose heart was trembling on the verge of tears.

    "Ah, how I would like to make friends with your boy!" he cried.

"If you could arrange it- "

    "Certainly, sir," muttered the captain.

    "But now listen to something quite different!" Alyosha went on. "I

have a message for you. That same brother of mine, Dmitri, has

insulted his betrothed, too, a noble-hearted girl of whom you have

probably heard. I have a right to tell you of her wrong; I ought to do

so, in fact, for, hearing of the insult done to you and learning all

about your unfortunate position, she commissioned me at once- just

now- to bring you this help from her- but only from her alone, not

from Dmitri, who has abandoned her. Nor from me, his brother, nor from

anyone else, but from her, only from her! She entreats you to accept

her help....You have both been insulted by the same man. She thought

of you only when she had just received a similar insult from him-

similar in its cruelty, I mean. She comes like a sister to help a

brother in misfortune.... She told me to persuade you to take these

two hundred roubles from her, as from a sister, knowing that you are

in such need. No one will know of it, it can give rise to no unjust

slander. There are the two hundred roubles, and I swear you must

take them unless- unless all men are to be enemies on earth! But there

are brothers even on earth.... You have a generous heart... you must

see that, you must," and Alyosha held out two new rainbow-coloured

hundred-rouble notes.

    They were both standing at the time by the great stone close to

the fence, and there was no one near. The notes seemed to produce a

tremendous impression on the captain. He started, but at first only

from astonishment. Such an outcome of their conversation was the

last thing he expected. Nothing could have been farther from his

dreams than help from anyone- and such a sum!

    He took the notes, and for a minute he was almost unable to

answer, quite a new expression came into his face.

    "That for me? So much money- two hundred roubles! Good heavens!

Why, I haven't seen so much money for the last four years! Mercy on

us! And she says she is a sister.... And is that the truth?"

   "I swear that all I told you is the truth,"cried Alyosha.

    The captain flushed red.

    "Listen, my dear, listen. If I take it, I shan't be behaving

like a scoundrel? In your eyes, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I shan't be a

scoundrel? No, Alexey Fyodorovitch, listen, listen," he hurried,

touching Alyosha with both his hands. "You are persuading me to take

it, saying that it's a sister sends it, but inwardly, in your heart

won't you feel contempt for me if I take it, eh?"

    "No, no, on my salvation I swear I shan't! And no one will ever

know but me- I, you and she, and one other lady, her great friend."

    "Never mind the lady! Listen, Alexey Fyodorovitch, at a moment

like this you must listen, for you can't understand what these two

hundred roubles mean to me now." The poor fellow went on rising

gradually into a sort of incoherent, almost wild enthusiasm. He was

thrown off his balance and talked extremely fast, as though afraid

he would not be allowed to say all he had to say.

    "Besides its being honestly acquired from a 'sister,' so highly

respected and revered, do you know that now I can look after mamma and

Nina, my hunchback angel daughter? Doctor Herzenstube came to me in

the kindness of his heart and was examining them both for a whole

hour. 'I can make nothing of it,' said he, but he prescribed a mineral

water which is kept at a chemist's here. He said it would be sure to

do her good, and he ordered baths, too, with some medicine in them.

The mineral water costs thirty copecks, and she'd need to drink

forty bottles perhaps: so I took the prescription and laid it on the

shelf under the ikons, and there it lies. And he ordered hot baths for

Nina with something dissolved in them, morning and evening. But how

can we carry out such a cure in our mansion, without servants, without

help, without a bath, and without water? Nina is rheumatic all over, I

don't think I told you that. All her right side aches at night, she is

in agony, and, would you believe it, the angel bears it without

groaning for fear of waking us. We eat what we can get, and she'll

only take the leavings, what you'd scarcely give to a dog. 'I am not

worth it, I am taking it from you, I am a burden on you,' that's

what her angel eyes try to express. We wait on her, but she doesn't

like it. 'I am a useless cripple, no good to anyone.' As though she

were not worth it, when she is the saving of all of us with her

angelic sweetness. Without her, without her gentle word it would be

hell among us! She softens even Varvara. And don't judge Varvara

harshly either, she is an angel too, she, too, has suffered wrong. She

came to us for the summer, and she brought sixteen roubles she had

earned by lessons and saved up, to go back with to Petersburg in

September, that is now. But we took her money and lived on it, so

now she has nothing to go back with. Though indeed she couldn't go

back, for she has to work for us like a slave. She is like an

overdriven horse with all of us on her back. She waits on us all,

mends and washes, sweeps the floor, puts mamma to bed. And mamma is

capricious and tearful and insane! And now I can get a servant with

this money, you understand, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I can get medicines

for the dear creatures, I can send my student to Petersburg, I can buy

beef, I can feed them properly. Good Lord, but it's a dream!"

    Alyosha was delighted that he had brought him such happiness and

that the poor fellow had consented to be made happy.

    "Stay, Alexey Fyodorovitch, stay," the captain began to talk

with frenzied rapidity, carried away by a new day-dream. "Do you

know that Ilusha and I will perhaps really carry out our dream. We

will buy a horse and cart, a black horse, he insists on its being

black, and we will set off as we pretended the other day. I have an

old friend, a lawyer in K. province, and I heard through a trustworthy

man that if I were to go he'd give me a place as clerk in his

office, so, who knows, maybe he would. So I'd just put mamma and

Nina in the cart, and Ilusha could drive, and I'd walk, I'd walk....

Why, if I only succeed in getting one debt paid that's owing me, I

should have perhaps enough for that too!"

    "There would be enough!" cried Alyosha. "Katerina Ivanovna will

send you as much more as you need, and you know, I have money too,

take what you want, as you would from a brother, from a friend, you

can give it back later.... (You'll get rich. you'll get rich!) And you

know you couldn't have a better idea than to move to another province!

It would be the saving of you, especially of your boy and you ought to

go quickly, before the winter, before the cold. You must write to us

when you are there, and we will always be brothers... No, it's not a

dream!"

    Alyosha could have hugged him, he was so pleased. But glancing

at him he stopped short. The man was standing with his neck

outstretched and his lips protruding, with a pale and frenzied face.

His lips were moving as though trying to articulate something; no

sound came, but still his lips moved. It was uncanny.

    "What is it?" asked Alyosha, startled.

    "Alexey Fyodorovitch... I... you," muttered the captain,

faltering, looking at him with a strange, wild, fixed stare, and an

air of desperate resolution. At the same time there was a sort of grin

on his lips. "I... you, sir... wouldn't you like me to show you a

little trick I know?" he murmured, suddenly, in a firm rapid

whisper, his voice no longer faltering.

    "What trick?"

    "A pretty trick," whispered the captain. His mouth was twisted

on the left side, his left eye was screwed up. He still stared at

Alyosha.

    "What is the matter? What trick?" Alyosha cried, now thoroughly

alarmed.

    "Why, look," squealed the captain suddenly, and showing him the

two notes which he had been holding by one corner between his thumb

and forefinger during the conversation, he crumpled them up savagely

and squeezed them tight in his right hand. "Do you see, do you see?"

he shrieked, pale and infuriated. And suddenly flinging up his hand,

he threw the crumpled notes on the sand. "Do you see?" he shrieked

again, pointing to them. "Look there!"

    And with wild fury he began trampling them under his heel, gasping

and exclaiming as he did so:

    "So much for your money! So much for your money! So much for

your money! So much for your money!"

    Suddenly he darted back and drew himself up before Alyosha, and

his whole figure expressed unutterable pride.

    "Tell those who sent you that the wisp of tow does not sell his

honour," he cried, raising his arm in the air. Then he turned

quickly and began to run; but he had not run five steps before he

turned completely round and kissed his hand to Alyosha. He ran another

five paces and then turned round for the last time. This time his face

was not contorted with laughter, but quivering all over with tears. In

a tearful, faltering, sobbing voice he cried:

    "What should I say to my boy if I took money from you for our

shame?"

    And then he ran on without turning. Alyosha looked after him,

inexpressibly grieved. Oh, he saw that till the very last moment the

man had not known he would crumple up and fling away the notes. He did

not turn back. Alyosha knew he would not. He would not follow him

and call him back, he knew why. When he was out of sight, Alyosha

picked up the two notes. They were very much crushed and crumpled, and

had been pressed into the sand, but were uninjured and even rustled

like new ones when Alyosha unfolded them and smoothed them out.

After smoothing them out, he folded them up, put them in his pocket

and went to Katerina Ivanovna to report on the success of her

commission.