THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV
Chapter 8 - Over the Brandy
THE controversy was over. But, strange to say, Fyodor
Pavlovitch, who had been so gay, suddenly began frowning. He frowned
and gulped brandy, and it was already a glass too much.
"Get along with you, Jesuits!" he cried to the servants. "Go away,
Smerdyakov. I'll send you the gold piece I promised you to-day, but be
off! Don't cry, Grigory. Go to Marfa. She'll comfort you and put you
to bed. The rascals won't let us sit in peace after dinner," he
snapped peevishly, as the servants promptly withdrew at his word.
"Smerdyakov always pokes himself in now, after dinner. It's you
he's so interested in. What have you done to fascinate him?" he
added to Ivan.
"Nothing whatever," answered Ivan. "He's pleased to have a high
opinion of me; he's a lackey and a mean soul. Raw material for
revolution, however, when the time comes."
"There will be others and better ones. But there will be some like
him as well. His kind will come first, and better ones after."
"And when will the time come?"
"The rocket will go off and fizzle out, perhaps. The peasants
are not very fond of listening to these soup-makers, so far."
"Ah, brother, but a Balaam's ass like that thinks and thinks,
and the devil knows where he gets to."
"He's storing up ideas," said Ivan, smiling.
"You see, I know he can't bear me, nor anyone else, even you,
though you fancy that he has a high opinion of you. Worse still with
Alyosha, he despises Alyosha. But he doesn't steal, that's one
thing, and he's not a gossip, he holds his tongue, and doesn't wash
our dirty linen in public. He makes capital fish pasties too. But,
damn him, is he worth talking about so much?"
"Of course he isn't."
"And as for the ideas he may be hatching, the Russian peasant,
generally speaking, needs thrashing. That I've always maintained.
Our peasants are swindlers, and don't deserve to be pitied, and it's a
good thing they're still flogged sometimes. Russia is rich in birches.
If they destroyed the forests, it would be the ruin of Russia. I stand
up for the clever people. We've left off thrashing the peasants, we've
grown so clever, but they go on thrashing themselves. And a good thing
too. 'For with what measure ye mete it shall be measured to you
again,' or how does it go? Anyhow, it will be measured. But Russia's
all swinishness. My dear, if you only knew how I hate Russia....
That is, not Russia, but all this vice! But maybe I mean Russia.
Tout cela c'est de la cochonnerie....* Do you know what I like? I like
wit."
* All this is filthiness.
"You've had another glass. That's enough."
"Wait a bit. I'll have one more, and then another, and then I'll
stop. No, stay, you interrupted me. At Mokroe I was talking to an
old man, and he told me: 'There's nothing we like so much as
sentencing girls to be thrashed, and we always give the lads the job
of thrashing them. And the girl he has thrashed to-day, the young
man will ask in marriage to-morrow. So it quite suits the girls, too,'
he said. There's a set of de Sades for you! But it's clever, anyway.
Shall we go over and have a look at it, eh? Alyosha, are you blushing?
Don't be bashful, child. I'm sorry I didn't stay to dinner at the
Superior's and tell the monks about the girls at Mokroe. Alyosha,
don't be angry that I offended your Superior this morning. I lost my
temper. If there is a God, if He exists, then, of course, I'm to
blame, and I shall have to answer for it. But if there isn't a God
at all, what do they deserve, your fathers? It's not enough to cut
their heads off, for they keep back progress. Would you believe it,
Ivan, that that lacerates my sentiments? No, you don't believe it as I
see from your eyes. You believe what people say, that I'm nothing
but a buffoon. Alyosha, do you believe that I'm nothing but a
buffoon?"
"No, I don't believe it."
"And I believe you don't, and that you speak the truth. You look
sincere and you speak sincerely. But not Ivan. Ivan's supercilious....
I'd make an end of your monks, though, all the same. I'd take all that
mystic stuff and suppress it, once for all, all over Russia, so as
to bring all the fools to reason. And the gold and the silver that
would flow into the mint!"
"But why suppress it?" asked Ivan.
"That Truth may prevail. That's why."
"Well, if Truth were to prevail, you know, you'd be the first to
be robbed and suppressed."
"Ah! I dare say you're right. Ah, I'm an ass!" burst out Fyodor
Pavlovitch, striking himself lightly on the forehead. "Well, your
monastery may stand then, Alyosha, if that's how it is. And we
clever people will sit snug and enjoy our brandy. You know, Ivan, it
must have been so ordained by the Almighty Himself. Ivan, speak, is
there a God or not? Stay, speak the truth, speak seriously. Why are
you laughing again?"
"I'm laughing that you should have made a clever remark just now
about Smerdyakov's belief in the existence of two saints who could
move mountains."
"Why, am I like him now, then?"
"Very much."
"Well, that shows I'm a Russian, too, and I have a Russian
characteristic. And you may be caught in the same way, though you
are a philosopher. Shall I catch you? What do you bet that I'll
catch you to-morrow? Speak, all the same, is there a God, or not?
Only, be serious. I want you to be serious now."
"No, there is no God."
"Alyosha, is there a God?"
"There is."
"Ivan, and is there immortality of some sort, just a little,
just a tiny bit?"
"There is no immortality either."
"None at all?"
"None at all."
"There's absolute nothingness then. Perhaps there is just
something? Anything is better than nothing!"
"Alyosha, is there immortality?"
"God and immortality?"
"God and immortality. In God is immortality."
"H'm! It's more likely Ivan's right. Good Lord! to think what
faith, what force of all kinds, man has lavished for nothing, on
that dream, and for how many thousand years. Who is it laughing at
man? Ivan For the last time, once for all, is there a God or not? I
ask for the last time!"
"And for the last time there is not."
"Who is laughing at mankind, Ivan?"
"It must be the devil," said Ivan, smiling.
"And the devil? Does he exist?"
"No, there's no devil either."
"It's a pity. Damn it all, what wouldn't I do to the man who first
invented God! Hanging on a bitter aspen tree would be too good for,
him."
"There would have been no civilisation if they hadn't invented
God."
"Wouldn't there have been? Without God?"
"No. And there would have been no brandy either. But I must take
your brandy away from you, anyway."
"Stop, stop, stop, dear boy, one more little glass. I've hurt
Alyosha's feelings. You're not angry with me, Alyosha? My dear
little Alexey!"
"No, I am not angry. I know your thoughts. Your heart is better
than your head."
"My heart better than my head, is it? Oh Lord! And that from
you. Ivan, do you love Alyosha?"
"You must love him" (Fyodor Pavlovitch was by this time very
drunk). "Listen, Alyosha, I was rude to your elder this morning. But I
was excited. But there's wit in that elder, don't you think, Ivan?"
"Very likely."
"There is, there is. Il y a du Piron la-dedans.* He's a Jesuit,
a Russian one, that is. As he's an honourable person there's a
hidden indignation boiling within him at having to pretend and
affect holiness."
* There's something of Piron inside of him.
"But, of course, he believes in God."
"Not a bit of it. Didn't you know? Why, he tells everyone so,
himself. That is, not everyone, but all the clever people who come
to him. He said straight out to Governor Schultz not long ago: 'Credo,
but I don't know in what.'"
"Really?"
"He really did. But I respect him. There's something of
Mephistopheles about him, or rather of 'The hero of our time'...
Arbenin, or what's his name?... You see, he's a sensualist. He's
such a sensualist that I should be afraid for my daughter or my wife
if she went to confess to him. You know, when he begins telling
stories... The year before last he invited us to tea, tea with liqueur
(the ladies send him liqueur), and began telling us about old times
till we nearly split our sides.... Especially how he once cured a
paralysed woman. 'If my legs were not bad I know a dance I could dance
you,' he said. What do you say to that? 'I've plenty of tricks in my
time,' said he. He did Demidov, the merchant, out of sixty thousand."
"What, he stole it?"
"He brought him the money as a man he could trust, saying, 'Take
care of it for me, friend, there'll be a police search at my place
to-morrow.' And he kept it. 'You have given it to the Church,' he
declared. I said to him: 'You're a scoundrel,' I said. 'No,' said
he, 'I'm not a scoundrel, but I'm broadminded.' But that wasn't he,
that was someone else. I've muddled him with someone else... without
noticing it. Come, another glass and that's enough. Take away the
bottle, Ivan. I've been telling lies. Why didn't you stop me, Ivan,
and tell me I was lying?"
"I knew you'd stop of yourself."
"That's a lie. You did it from spite, from simple spite against
me. You despise me. You have come to me and despised me in my own
house."
"Well, I'm going away. You've had too much brandy."
"I've begged you for Christ's sake to go to Tchermashnya for a day
or two, and you don't go."
"I'll go to-morrow if you're so set upon it."
"You won't go. You want to keep an eye on me. That's what you
want, spiteful fellow. That's why you won't go."
The old man persisted. He had reached that state of drunkenness
when the drunkard who has till then been inoffensive tries to pick a
quarrel and to assert himself.
"Why are you looking at me? Why do you look like that? Your eyes
look at me and say, 'You ugly drunkard!' Your eyes are mistrustful.
They're contemptuous.... You've come here with some design. Alyosha,
here, looks at me and his eyes shine. Alyosha doesn't despise me.
Alexey, you mustn't love Ivan."
"Don't be ill-tempered with my brother. Leave off attacking
him," Alyosha said emphatically.
"Oh, all right. Ugh, my head aches. Take away the brandy, Ivan.
It's the third time I've told you."
He mused, and suddenly a slow, cunning grin spread over his face.
"Don't be angry with a feeble old man, Ivan. I know you don't love
me, but don't be angry all the same. You've nothing to love me for.
You go to Tchermashnya. I'll come to you myself and bring you a
present. I'll show you a little wench there. I've had my eye on her
a long time. She's still running about bare-foot. Don't be afraid of
bare-footed wenches- don't despise them- they're pearls!"
And he kissed his hand with a smack.
"To my thinking," he revived at once, seeming to grow sober the
instant he touched on his favourite topic. "To my thinking... Ah,
you boys! You children, little sucking-pigs, to my thinking... I never
thought a woman ugly in my life- that's been my rule! Can you
understand that? How could you understand it? You've milk in your
veins, not blood. You're not out of your shells yet. My rule has
been that you can always find something devilishly interesting in
every woman that you wouldn't find in any other. Only, one must know
how to find it, that's the point! That's a talent! To my mind there
are no ugly women. The very fact that she is a woman is half the
battle... but how could you understand that? Even in vieilles
filles, even in them you may discover something that makes you
simply wonder that men have been such fools as to let them grow old
without noticing them. Bare-footed girls or unattractive ones, you
must take by surprise. Didn't you know that? You must astound them
till they're fascinated, upset, ashamed that such a gentleman should
fall in love with such a little slut. It's a jolly good thing that
there always are and will be masters and slaves in the world, so there
always will be a little maid-of-all-work and her master, and you know,
that's all that's needed for happiness. Stay... listen, Alyosha, I
always used to surprise your mother, but in a different way. I paid no
attention to her at all, but all at once, when the minute came, I'd be
all devotion to her, crawl on my knees, kiss her feet, and I always,
always- I remember it as though it were to-day- reduced her to that
tinkling, quiet, nervous, queer little laugh. It was peculiar to
her. I knew her attacks always used to begin like that. The next day
she would begin shrieking hysterically, and this little laugh was
not a sign of delight, though it made a very good counterfeit.
That's the great thing, to know how to take everyone. Once
Belyavsky- he was a handsome fellow, and rich- used to like to come
here and hang about her- suddenly gave me a slap in the face in her
presence. And she- such a mild sheep- why, I thought she would have
knocked me down for that blow. How she set on me! 'You're beaten,
beaten now,' she said, 'You've taken a blow from him. You have been
trying to sell me to him,' she said... 'And how dared he strike you in
my presence! Don't dare come near me again, never, never! Run at once,
challenge him to a duel!'... I took her to the monastery then to bring
her to her senses. The holy Fathers prayed her back to reason. But I
swear, by God, Alyosha, I never insulted the poor crazy girl! Only
once, perhaps, in the first year; then she was very fond of praying.
She used to keep the feasts of Our Lady particularly and used to
turn me out of her room then. I'll knock that mysticism out of her,
thought I! 'Here,' said I, 'you see your holy image. Here it is.
Here I take it down. You believe it's miraculous, but here, I'll
spit on it directly and nothing will happen to me for it!'... When she
saw it, good Lord! I thought she would kill me. But she only jumped
up, wrung her hands, then suddenly hid her face in them, began
trembling all over and fell on the floor... fell all of a heap.
Alyosha, Alyosha, what's the matter?"
The old man jumped up in alarm. From the time he had begun
speaking about his mother, a change had gradually come over
Alyosha's face. He flushed crimson, his eyes glowed, his lips
quivered. The old sot had gone spluttering on, noticing nothing,
till the moment when something very strange happened to Alyosha.
Precisely what he was describing in the crazy woman was suddenly
repeated with Alyosha. He jumped up from his seat exactly as his
mother was said to have done, wrung his hands, hid his face in them,
and fell back in his chair, shaking all over in an hysterical paroxysm
of sudden violent, silent weeping. His extraordinary resemblance to
his mother particularly impressed the old man.
"Ivan, Ivan! Water, quickly! It's like her, exactly as she used to
be then, his mother. Spurt some water on him from your mouth, that's
what I used to do to her. He's upset about his mother, his mother," he
muttered to Ivan.
"But she was my mother, too, I believe, his mother. Was she
not?" said Ivan, with uncontrolled anger and contempt. The old man
shrank before his flashing eyes. But something very strange had
happened, though only for a second; it seemed really to have escaped
the old man's mind that Alyosha's mother actually was the mother of
Ivan too.
"Your mother?" he muttered, not understanding. "What do you
mean? What mother are you talking about? Was she?... Why, damn it!
of course she was yours too! Damn it! My mind has never been so
darkened before. Excuse me, why, I was thinking Ivan... He he he!"
He stopped. A broad, drunken, half senseless grin overspread his face.
At that moment a fearful noise, and clamour was heard in the hall,
there were violent shouts, the door was flung open, and Dmitri burst
into the room. The old man rushed to Ivan in terror.
"He'll kill me! He'll kill me! Don't let him get at me!" he
screamed, clinging to the skirt of Ivan's coat.