§ 2. The Acts which are Special to Humility.

Let thy heart be humble and submissive. Acknowledge thy nothingness, thy infirmity and powerlessness, confess thy ingratitude towards God, thy malice and thy vileness. Of thyself, thou art indeed nothing, and without the help of God’s grace thou canst have no good desire, do no good action, nor even conceive one pious thought. Of thyself, thou art ever prone 157to evil; and if God did not keep thee, there is no crime so horrible that thou wouldst not commit it. Wherefore thou shouldst not esteem thyself above any man, however wicked. If thou hast not been guilty of grave sins, then, because of the goodness of God, which has not permitted thee to fall into them, and has granted thee the power of leading a good life, thou hast still more reason to humble thyself than he who, after the perpetration of many crimes, has obtained pardon and has been received into the favour of God.

Since thou hast nothing of thy own but sin, do thou attribute every good thing that thou hast or doest to the mercy and loving-kindness of God, seeking the praise and glory of God, not thine own. Take not to thyself so much as an atom of the gifts of God; even if thou alone hadst done all the good works of all men, thou shouldst remain as naked and destitute (as regards thy opinion of thyself, and the undue esteem of thy works,) as if thou hadst done no good thing. If thou usurpest and ascribest to thyself any of the gifts of God, and if thou desirest to be held in honour of men on account of any interior or exterior grace, there lurketh in thee great pride. Hold that most pernicious pest in abhorrence; and if, perchance, it conies into thy mind, consent not to it. Say to God: “O Lord, I would rather die than consent; I renounce all impurity.” Not only ascribe no good to thyself, but cast back upon thyself the blame of all the evil that is done in the world. Confess thyself to be utterly unworthy of the benefits and gifts which 158thou receivest from God, and be grateful to Him; acknowledge that thou art not worthy that the earth should bear thee.

Doubtless, since thou hast by thy sins grievously offended the Lord of supreme majesty and holiness, it would be but just that God Himself and all creatures should torment thee horribly. Wherefore thou shouldst not be astonished, nor disturbed in mind, when thou feelest thyself interiorly dry, barren, unsettled, in darkness, and as if abandoned by God; or when thou art oppressed by daily and heavy crosses, difficulties or temptations, and when others despise and persecute, or even strike thee, and insult and speak evil of thee. Thou thinkest then, perhaps, that God is angry with thee; but that anger is fatherly, and proceeds from love. Be not discontented with so loving a Father, when He tries thee, or allows thee to be tried by adversity. Be meek, patient, and resigned, and give thanks.

Thou must, however, have a reasonable fear, knowing that God sees many faults in thee, while thou, perhaps, perceivest only one, or none at all; fear, I say, and impute to thy sins what thou hast to suffer, acknowledging that thou hast deserved worse things; but by no means imagine thyself, on account of these punishments, not to be dear to God. On the contrary, they should make thee very confident that thou art dear to Him: “For the Lord scourgeth every son whom He receiveth ” (Heb. xii. 6). Chant in thy heart these words of the Prophet: “I will look towards the Lord, I will wait for God my Saviour. I 159will bear the wrath of the Lord, because I have sinned against Him, until He judge my cause. He will bring me forth into the light, I shall behold His justice” (Mich. vii. 7, 9). Beseech the Lord Jesus that He will satisfy for thy sins; but bear patiently for the love of Him what thou dost suffer.

Pardon speedily from thy heart all the offences of those who hurt and annoy thee, and show thyself benignant towards them, returning good for evil, and bearing quietly and with equanimity their sharp words and threatening gestures, and cruel deeds, and what ever wrong they may have inflicted on thee or on thy friends. And lest this should seem to thee too difficult in practice, place before the eyes of thy mind what thy Lord Jesus Christ endured for thee, and the example that He gave thee, who, when He suffered, murmured not, was not angry nor sought for revenge, but most mercifully prayed for His enemies.⁶⁶   1 Pet. ii. 23; St. Luke, xxiii. 34 Wouldst thou not think thou hadst obtained an immense good, if thou couldst in anything resemble thy King?

It sometimes happens by the permission of God, that a good man, who seeks God alone, falls into some grievous trouble and affliction, either from natural temperament and indisposition, or from the influence and changes of the weather, or by the operation of the evil spirit, or from other causes; this man, thinking he is displeasing to God, then usually loses his peace of mind, and is subject to sadness and disturbance. If such distress come upon thee, do not thou wish to shake it off violently, nor seek out divers 160ways of ridding thyself of it, but receive the annoyance humbly from the Hand of God, as something most salutary for thee, and endure it with a tranquil and resigned mind, even if it should last many years, or for thy whole life; for thus will God and the Angels dwell with thee, taking delight in thy humility and patience.