RESOLUTION III.

I am resolved, that as I am not able to think or do any thing that is good, without the influence of the divine grace; so I will not pretend to merit any favour from God, upon account of any thing I do for his glory and service.

AND indeed I may very well put this resolution amongst the rest; for should I resolve to perform my resolutions by mine own strength, I might as well resolve never to perform them at all: for truth itself, and mine own woeful experience hath convinced me, that I am not able of myself, so much as to think a good thought; and how then shall I be able of myself, to resolve upon rules of holiness according to the word of God, or to order my conversation according to these resolutions, without the concurrence of the divine grace? Alas! should the great God be pleased to leave me to myself to resolve upon what is agreeable to my corrupt nature, what strange kind of resolutions should I make? What should I resolve upon? Certainly, only nothing but to gratify my carnal appetite with sensual and sinful pleasures, to indulge myself in riot and excess, to spend my time, and revel out my parts and talents, in the revels of sin and vanity. But now, ‘to live holily, righteously, and godly in this present world,’ to deny my own will, that I may fulfil the will of God; alas! such resolutions as these would never so much as come into my thoughts, much less would they discover themselves in my outward conversation.

But suppose I should be able to make good resolutions, 119and fulfil them exactly in my life and actions; yet, what should I do more than my duty? And what should I be esteemed of for doing that? Alas! this is so far from pulling me up, that I am verily persuaded should I spend all my time, my parts, my strength, my gifts, for God, and all my estate upon the poor; should I water my couch continually with my tears, and last my body into a skeleton; should I employ each moment of my life in the immediate worship of my glorious Creator; so that all my actions, from my birth to my death, should be but one continued act of holiness and obedience; in a word, should I live like an angel in heaven, and die like a saint on earth, yet I know no truer, nor should I desire any better epitaph to be engraven upon my tomb than this, ‘Here lies an unprofitable servant.’ No, no; it is Christ, and Christ alone that my soul must support itself upon. It is holiness, indeed, that is the way to heaven; but there is none, none but Christ can lead me to it. As the worst of my sins are pardonable by Christ, so are the best of my duties damnable without him.

But if so, then whither tend my resolutions? Why so strict, so circumspect a conversation? Why, it is to justify that faith before others, and mine own conscience, which I hope, through Christ, shall justify my soul before God. And I believe further, that the holier I live here, the happier I shall live hereafter; for though I shall not be saved for my works, yet I believe I shall be saved according to them. And thus, as I dare not expect to be saved by the performance of my resolutions without Christ’s merit, so neither do I ever expect 120to be enabled to perform my resolutions, without his Spirit assisting me therein.

No, “it is thyself, my God, and my guide, that I wholly and solely depend upon! Oh! for thine own sake, for thy Son’s sake, and for thy promise sake, do thou both make me to know what thou wouldst have me to do, and then help me to do what thou wouldst have me to know! Teach me first what to resolve upon, and then enable me to perform my resolutions; that I may walk with thee in the ways of holiness here, and rest with thee in the joys of happiness hereafter!”