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My Life in Christ

Part I

"This is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom Thou hast sent."--St. John xvii. 3.

Thou, O God, hast opened wide to me Thy truth and Thy verity. By instructing me in the sciences, Thou hast opened to me all the riches of faith, of nature, and of human understanding; I have learned Thy word--the Word of God--"piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit."¹¹Hebrews iv. 12. I have studied the laws regulating the mind of man, its love of wisdom, the formation and the beauty of speech; I have penetrated in part into the mysteries of Nature, into her laws, into the abyss of the creation of worlds and their revolution; I know the population of the terrestrial globe; I have acquainted myself with its different peoples, with the celebrated persons, and their works, who have passed in turn through this world; I have in part studied the great science of self-knowledge and of how to draw nigh to Thee; in a word, I have become cognisant of many, many things--"for more things are shewed unto thee than men understand,"²²Sirach iii. 23. and hereafter I shall yet learn much. I have many books of very varied contents; I have read and re-read them, but still I am not yet satisfied. My spirit still thirsts for further knowledge and my heart is unsatisfied; it hungers, and from all the knowledge thus acquired by the intellect, it cannot gain full happiness. When will it be satisfied? It will be satisfied, when "I will behold Thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy likeness."³³Psalm xvii. 15.Until then I shall hunger. "Whosoever drinketh of this water (of worldly wisdom) shall thirst again: but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life,"⁴⁴St. John iv. 13 and 14.said the Lord.

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How is it that the saints see us and our needs and hear our prayers? Let us make the following comparison: Suppose that you were transplanted to the sun and were united to it. The sun lights the whole earth with its rays, it lights every particle of the earth. In these rays you also see the earth, but you are so small in proportion to the sun, that you would form, so to say, but one ray, and there are an infinite number of such rays. By its identity with the sun this ray takes an intimate part in lighting the whole world through the sun. So also the saintly soul, having become united to God, as to its spiritual sun, sees, through the medium of its spiritual sun, which lights the whole universe, all men and the needs of those that pray.

Have you learned to see God and represent Him to yourself--as the omnipresent Wisdom, as the living, acting Word, as the vivifying Holy Spirit? The Holy Scripture is the domain of Wisdom, Word and Spirit, of God in the Trinity: in it He clearly manifests Himself: "The Words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life,"⁵⁵St. John vi. 63. said the Lord. The writings of the Holy Fathers are again the expression of the Mind, Word and Spirit of the Holy Trinity, in which the spirit of the higher class (spiritually speaking) of mankind has largely participated; the writings of ordinary worldly men are the expression of the fallen spirit of men, with all their sinful attachments, habits and passions. In the Holy Scriptures we see God face to face, and ourselves as we are. Man, know thy self through them, and walk always as in the presence of God.

As you are aware, man, in his words, does not die; he is immortal in them, and they will speak after his death. I shall die, but shall speak even after my death. How many immortal words are in use amongst the living, which were left by those who have died long ago, and which sometimes still live in the mouths of a whole people! How powerful is the word even of an ordinary man! Still more so is the Word of God: it will live throughout all ages, and will always be living and acting.

As God is the creative, living and life-giving Wisdom, therefore those greatly sin who, by the thoughts of their spirit, turn aside from the Wisdom of the Trinity and occupy themselves with material, perishable things, thus materialising their spirit itself. Especially do those sin who, during Divine Service in church or during their prayers at home, entirely turn aside in their thoughts from God and allow their minds to wander in different places outside the church. By doing so they greatly offend God, upon Whom on such occasions our minds should be fixed.

To what end do fasting and penitence lead? For what purpose is this trouble taken? They lead to the cleansing of the soul from sins, to peace of heart, to union with God; they fill us with devotion and sonship, and give us boldness before God. There are, indeed, very important reasons for fasting and for confession from the whole heart. There shall be an inestimable reward given for conscientious labour. Have many of us the feeling of sonlike love to God? Dare many of us, without condemnation and with boldness call upon the Father in Heaven and say: "Our Father!".... Is there not, on the contrary, no such sonlike voice to be heard in our hearts, which are deadened by the vanities of this world and attachments to its objects and pleasures? Is not our Heavenly Father far from our hearts? Is it not rather an avenging God that we should represent to ourselves, we who have withdrawn ourselves from Him into a far-away land? Yes, by our sins all of us are worthy of His righteous anger and punishment, and it is wonderful how long-suffering and forbearing He is to us--that He does not strike us like the barren fig trees. Let us hasten to propitiate Him by repentance and tears. Let us enter into ourselves; let us consider our unclean hearts in all strictness, and when we see what a multitude of impurities are keeping them from the reach of Divine grace, we shall ourselves acknowledge that we are spiritually dead.

The loving Lord is here: how can I let even a shadow of evil enter into my heart? Let all evil completely die within me; let my heart be anointed with the sweet fragrance of goodness as with a balsam. Let God's love conquer thee, thou evil Satan, instigating us, who are evil by nature, to evil. Evil is most hurtful both to the mind and to the body. It burns, it crushes, and it tortures. No one bound by evil shall dare to approach the throne of the God of love.

When praying, we must absolutely subject our heart to our will, and turn it towards God. It must be neither cold, crafty, untruthful, nor double-minded, otherwise what will be the use of our prayers, of our preparation for the Sacrament? It is good for us to hear God's voice of anger: "This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me."⁶⁶St. Matthew xv. 8.

So do not let us stand in church in a state of spiritual prostration, but let the spirit of each one of us on such occasions burn in its working towards God. Even men do not much value the services which we render to them coldly, out of habit. And God requires our hearts. "My son, give Me thine heart."⁷⁷Proverbs xxiii. 26. Because the heart is the principal part of the man--his life. More than this, the heart is the man himself. Thus he who does not pray or does not serve God with his heart, does not pray at all, because in that case his body only prays, and the body without the mind is nothing more than earth. Remember, that when standing in prayer, you stand before God Himself, who has the wisdom of all. Therefore, your prayer ought to be, so to say, all spirit, all understanding.

The saints of God live even after their death. Thus, I often hear in church the Mother of God singing her wonderful, heart-penetrating song which she said in the house of her cousin Elizabeth, after the Annunciation of the Archangel. At times, I hear the song of Moses; the song of Zacharias--the father of the Forerunner; that of Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel; that of the three children; and that of Miriam. And how many holy singers of the New Testament delight until now the ear of the whole Church of God! And the Divine service itself--the sacraments, the rites? Whose spirit is there, moving and touching our hearts? That of God and of His saints. Here is a proof for you of the immortality of men's souls. How is it that all these men have died, and yet are governing our lives after their death--they are dead and they still speak, instruct and touch us?

As the breath is necessary for the body, and as without breathing men cannot live, so likewise the soul cannot truly live without the breath of God's Spirit. As air is necessary for the body, so is the Holy Ghost for the soul. Air has some likeness to the Holy Ghost. As "the wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit."⁸⁸St. John iii. 8.

When you are threatened with temptation to sin, then represent to yourself vividly that sin is exceedingly displeasing to God, Who hates iniquity. "Thou hatest all workers of iniquity."⁹⁹Psalm v. 5.

And in order to understand this better, imagine a father, righteous and severe, who loves his family, and is trying by every means to make his children well-principled and upright, in order to reward them afterwards for their good behaviour by the great riches he has laboriously laid up for them, and, who nevertheless 5 sees, to his grief, that the children, disregarding their father's love, do not love him, do not pay attention to the inheritance so lovingly prepared for them by their father, but live disorderly, and rush impetuously to destruction. Mark, that "sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death,"¹⁰¹⁰James i. 15, and others. because it kills the soul, because it makes us the slaves of the Devil--the destroyer of men; and the more we work for sin, the more difficult will be our return, and the more sure will be our ruin. Dread, therefore, every sin with the whole heart.

When your heart inclines to evil, and the evil one begins to undermine your heart, so that it is completely removed from the rock of faith, then say to yourself inwardly: "I know of my spiritual poverty, my own nothingness without faith. I am so weak, that it is only by Christ's name that I live and obtain peace, that I rejoice and my heart expands, whilst without Him I am spiritually dead, I am troubled, and my heart is oppressed; without the Lord's Cross I should have been long since the victim of the most cruel distress and despair. Only Christ keeps me alive: and the Cross is my peace and my consolation."

We are all able to think, because an unlimited Wisdom (Thought) exists, just as we are able to breathe because unlimited air-spaces exist. This is the reason why bright ideas upon any subject are called inspirations. Our thoughts are constantly flowing conditionally with the existence of the unlimited Spirit of Wisdom (Thought). This is why the Apostle says: "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves, but our sufficiency is of God."¹¹¹¹2 Corinthians iii. 5.

This is also why the Saviour Himself says:--"Take no thought how or what ye shall speak, for it shall be given you in that hour what ye shall speak."¹²¹²St. Matthew x. 19.Thus you see that the thought and even the word itself (the inspiration) come to us from without. This, of course, in a state of grace and in cases of need. But even in our ordinary state all our bright thoughts come from our Guardian Angel and from God's Spirit: whilst, on the contrary, impure, dark thoughts proceed from our corrupt nature and from the Devil, ever lying in wait for us. How then, should the Christian behave? "God Himself worketh in us."¹³¹³Philippians ii. 13.In general, throughout the world we see the Kingdom of thought in the structure of the whole visible world, as also in particular in the earth, in the rotation and the life of the terrestrial globe; in the distribution of the elements--light, air, water, earth, fire (concealed), whilst other elements are diffused in all animals--in birds, fishes, reptiles, beasts, and men--in their wise and ingenious construction, in their faculties, nature and habits; in plants, in their construction, nourishment, etc.; in a word, we see everywhere the kingdom of thought, even down to the lifeless stone and sand.

Priests of God! learn how to turn the bed of sorrow of the Christian sufferer into one of joy by the consolation of faith; learn how to make him, instead of--in his opinion--the most unfortunate, the happiest of men; assure him that having been "a little chastised he shall be greatly rewarded afterwards,"¹⁴¹⁴Wisdom iii. 5. and you will be the friends of mankind, angels of consolation, instruments or ministers of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter.

If the fervour of faith in the heart is not sometimes stirred up, then in time, through negligence, faith may become entirely extinguished in us; and Christianity with its Sacraments may entirely die for us. The enemy takes pains to attain this end, and tries to extinguish faith in our hearts and to bury in oblivion all the truths of Christianity. That is why we see men who, being Christians, are only such in name, while by their actions they are quite heathen.

Do not think that our faith is not vivifying to us--pastors--that we serve God hypocritically. No; we before all, and more than all, avail ourselves of God's mercies, and we know by experience what the Lord Himself is to us, His Sacraments, His most pure Mother, and His Saints. For instance, in partaking of the life-giving mysteries of the Blood and Body of the Saviour, we often, often experience in ourselves their vivifying effect, the heavenly gifts of peace and joy in the Holy Ghost; we know that the gracious gaze of a king does not rejoice the heart of the least of his subjects as the merciful gaze of our heavenly Master, as His mysteries rejoice our hearts. And we should have been most unthankful to the Lord, and our hearts would indeed have been hardened, had we not tried to make known the glory of God's Life-giving Mysteries unto His beloved, had we not extolled His wonders, accomplished in our hearts during each celebration of the Divine Liturgy. We also experience the effect of the invincible, incomprehensible, divine power of the Lord's glorious and life-giving Cross, and by its power we drive away from our hearts evil passions, despondency, pusillanimity, fear, and other snares of the Devil. The Cross is our friend and benefactor. I say this sincerely, with full belief in the truth and power of these words.

You wish to comprehend the incomprehensible; but can you understand how the inward sorrows with which your heart is overwhelmed overtake you, and can you find, except in the Lord, the means to drive them away? Learn at first, with your heart, how to free yourself from sorrows, how to ensure peace in your heart, and then, if necessary, philosophise on the incomprehensible, for "if ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?"¹⁵¹⁵St. Luke xii. 26.

Think oftener: Whose wisdom appears in the construction of your body? Who has ordered the laws of your thoughts, so that until now these laws are followed by all men? Who has engraved in the hearts of all men the law of conscience, so that until now it rewards the good and punishes the evil in all men? The Almighty, All-wise, and most gracious God! Thy hand is constantly upon me, a sinner, and there is no moment when Thy mercy leaves me. Grant me, then, always to kiss, with living faith, Thy gracious hand. Why should I go far to seek for the traces of Thy mercies, of Thy wisdom, and Thy omnipotence? O! how clearly these traces are visible to me! I, I myself am a miracle of God's goodness, wisdom and omnipotence. I myself--on a small scale--am a whole world; my soul is the representative of the invisible world; my body--of the invisible one.

Brethren! what is the purpose of our earthly life? It is, that, after our trial by earthly affliction and misfortunes, and after our gradual advancement in virtue, by means of the divine gifts, given to us in the sacraments, we may rest, after our death, in the Lord, the peace of our souls. That is why we sing of the dead: "Grant rest, O Lord, to the soul of Thy departed servant." We wish him to rest in peace, as the limit of all wishes, and pray to God for this. Is it not, then, unwise to grieve much for the departed? "Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest,"¹⁶¹⁶St. Matthew xi. 28. says the Lord. Thus our departed ones, who have fallen asleep in a Christian death, come to this voice of God and obtain rest. What is there, then, to grieve for?

Those who are trying to lead a spiritual life have to carry on a most skilful and difficult warfare, through their thoughts, every moment of their life--that is, a spiritual warfare; it is necessary that our whole soul should be every moment a clear eye, able to watch and notice the thoughts entering our heart from the evil one and repel them; the hearts of such men should be always burning with faith, humility and love; otherwise the subtlety of the Devil finds an easy access to them, followed by a diminution of faith, or entire unbelief, and then by every possible evil, which it will be difficult to wash away even by tears. Do not, therefore, allow your heart to be cold, especially during prayer, and avoid in every way cold indifference. Very often it happens that prayer is on the lips, but in the heart cunning, incredulity or unbelief, so that by the lips the man seems near to God, whilst in his heart he is far from Him. And, during our prayers, the evil one makes use of every means to chill our hearts and fill them with deceit in a most imperceptible manner to us. Pray and fortify yourself, fortify your heart.

If you wish to ask of God in prayer any blessing for yourself, then before praying prepare yourself for undoubting and firm faith, and take in good time means against doubt and unbelief. For it will go ill with you if during the prayer itself your heart wavers in its faith and does not stand firm in it; then do not even expect to obtain of the Lord what you have prayed for doubtingly, for in so doing you have offended the Lord, and God does not bestow His gifts upon a reviler. "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive,"¹⁷¹⁷St. Matthew xxi. 22. said the Lord. This means, that if you doubt and do not believe, you shall not receive. "If ye have faith and doubt not," said He also, "ye shall have power to move mountains."¹⁸¹⁸St. Matthew xxi. 3.Therefore, if you doubt and do not believe, you shall not have power to do so. "Let him ask in faith, nothing wavering, for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed," says the Apostle James; "for let not that man think he shall receive anything of the Lord. A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways."¹⁹¹⁹James i. 6-8.The heart that doubts that God can grant what it asks for is punished for this doubt: it is painfully oppressed and contracted by doubt. Do not anger Almighty God even by a shade of doubt--especially you, who have already experienced many and many times, the omnipotence of God. Doubt is a blasphemy against God, an insolent lie of the heart or of the lying spirit that nestles in the heart, against the spirit of truth. Fear it as you would fear a venomous serpent, or no--what I would rather say, is, despise it, do not take the slightest heed of it. Remember that God, during your prayer, is waiting for your affirmative answer to the question which He is inwardly asking you: "Believe ye that I am able to do this?" To which question you must from the depth of your heart reply, "Yea, Lord."²⁰²⁰St. Matthew ix. 28.Let the following considerations also help you in your doubt or unbelief: I ask of God, firstly, that which already exists, and nothing merely imaginary not a fanciful good, and everything that exists receives its being from God: because "without Him was not anything made that was made,"²¹²¹St. John i. 3.and therefore, nothing that happens can happen without Him, and everything has either received its being from Him, or happens by His will or His permission, by means of powers and faculties given by Him to His creatures--and in everything that exists or is still happening, God is an all-powerful Master. Besides this, "He calleth those things which be not as though they were."²²²²Romans iv. 17.Therefore, had I even asked for that which does not exist, He could give it to me by creating it. Secondly, I ask of God what is possible, because what is impossible for us is possible for God; and there cannot be any difficulty even in this respect, because God can do for me even that which is impossible in my own opinion. It is our misfortune that our faith is hindered by the short-sightedness of our reason--that spider, that catches the truth in the web of its judgments, its arguments and analogies. Faith embraces and sees suddenly, whilst reason arrives at the truth by circuitous ways; faith is the means of communication between one spirit and another, whilst reason is the means of communication between the spiritually sensual and the spiritually sensual and even simply material: the first is the spirit and the latter the flesh.

All the blessings of the soul, that is, all that constitutes the true life, the peace and the joy of the soul, come from God! This I have proved by experience. My heart tells me so. Thou, O Holy Ghost, art a treasury of blessings!

Having Christ in your heart, fear that you may lose Him, and with Him the peace of your heart; it is hard to begin again; efforts to attach oneself afresh to Him after falling away will be very grievous, and will cost bitter tears to many. Cling to Christ with all your might, gain Him, and do not lose boldness in approaching Him.

You gaze upon the icon of the Saviour and see that He looks at you from it with brightest eyes; this look is the image of how He actually looks upon you with His eyes, that are brighter than the sun, and sees all your thoughts, hears all your heartfelt distress and sighs. The image is an image, and represents in lines and signs that which cannot be delineated, cannot be given in signs, and can be comprehended by faith alone. Believe, then, that the Saviour always protects you and sees each one of you--with all your thoughts, sorrows and sighing, in all your circumstances, as upon the palm of the hand. "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of My hands; thy walls are continually before Me,"²³²³Isaiah xlix. 16. says the Lord God. How much consolation and life are contained in these gracious words of the Almighty and Provident God! Therefore pray before the icon of the Saviour as before Himself. The Lover of men is present in it by His grace, and with the eyes depicted in it really looks at you: "The eyes of the Lord are in every place,"²⁴²⁴Proverbs xv. 3.while with His ears as represented on the icon, He hears you. But remember that His eyes are the eyes of God, and His ears are the ears of the omnipresent God.

In the well-intentioned works of men, esteem the light of Christ--"the true light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world"²⁵²⁵St. John i. 9--and read them with love, thanking the Light-giving Christ, Who so richly bestows His light upon those who are zealous for the glory of His name.

Wherever I am, as soon as I raise the eyes of my heart in my affliction to God, the Lover of men immediately answers my faith and prayer, and the sorrow immediately departs. He is at every time and every hour near me, only I do not see it, but I feel it vividly in my heart. Sorrow is the death of the heart, and it is a falling away from God. The expansion, the peace of heart through lively faith in Him, prove more clearly than the day, that God is constantly present near me, and that He dwells within me. What intercessor or angel can set us free from our sins or sorrows? None, but God alone. This is from experience.

Let us measure the worth of our prayers by human measure or by the quality of our relation to other men. How do we behave to other people? Sometimes we express our requests, praises and gratitude to them coldly, heartlessly, out of duty or simply out of politeness, and it is the same when we do anything for them; whilst at other times we do so with warmth, heartily, and lovingly, often only feigning, often really sincerely. We are similarly unequal with God. But this should not be. We must always, from our whole hearts, sing and express to God our praises, our gratitude and our requests; every work must be done before Him with the whole heart. He must be loved and trusted with the whole heart.

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Faith in God's existence is closely connected with faith in the existence of our own souls, as a part of the spiritual world. God's existence is as evident to the pious mind as its own being, because every thought, good or bad, every desire, every intention, word or act of such a mind is followed by a corresponding change in the state of the heart, peace or trouble, joy or grief, and this is the result of the action upon it of the God of spirits and bodies, Who is reflected in the pious mind as the sun is reflected in a drop of water; the purer the drop is, the better, the clearer will be the reflection; the more turbid the drop, the dimmer will be the reflection; so that in the soul's state of extreme impurity or darkness, the reflection entirely ceases and the soul is left in a state of spiritual darkness, in a state of insensibility. In this state the man having eyes, sees not, and having ears, hears not. Again, in relation to our souls, God may be likened to the outer air in relation to the mercury of the thermometer--with this difference, that the expansion and rest, rise and fall of the mercury proceed from the change in the state of the atmosphere; whilst, in the first case, God remains unchangeable, everlasting and eternally good and just. Whilst the soul, changeable in its relation to God, suffers changes in itself, thus it unavoidably expands and obtains peace of heart when it draws nearer to God by faith and good works, and unavoidably contracts, becomes restless and wearied, when it withdraws itself from God by unlawful acts, want of faith, and unbelief in God's Truth.

The evil spirit tries to scatter prayer as if it were a sand-heap, tries to turn the words into dry sand, without coherency or moisture--that is to say, without fervour of heart. Thus prayer may become either a house built on sand or a house built on a rock. Those build on sand who pray without faith, absently, coldly; such prayer is scattered of itself, and does not bring any profit to him who prays; those build on a rock who, during the whole time of their prayer, have their eyes fixed upon God, and pray to Him as to a living person, conversing face to face with them.

Edifying words, the writings of the Holy Fathers, prayers, and especially the words of the Word Himself, the Second Person of the Holy Trinity, are indeed living water; water runs, and the words flow like water; water refreshes and gives life to the body, and edifying words animate the soul, filling it with peace and joy, or with compunction and contrition for sin.

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Our hope of obtaining that which we ask for during prayer is founded upon faith in God's mercy and bountifulness, for He is the God of mercy and bountifulness, and the Lover of men; therefore at that time it is useful to remind ourselves of former innumerable experiences of mercy and grace bestowed upon men (in Holy Writ and in the lives of the Saints) and upon ourselves. Besides this, in order that prayer may be effectual it is also necessary that those who pray should have already obtained that which they formerly asked for, and firmly believe this with their whole heart. We often receive through prayer that which we have asked for, especially when we pray for that which relates to the salvation of our soul; it is necessary to ascribe this directly to God and His grace, and not to chance. How can there possibly be any chance in the Kingdom of the Almighty God? Nothing can really happen without His will, as "without Him was not anything made that hath been made."²⁶²⁶St. John i. 3.

Many do not pray because it seems to them that they did not receive any gift from God when they prayed before, or because they consider praying unnecessary; they say that God knows everything without our asking, and forget that it is said: "Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."²⁷²⁷St. Matthew vii. 7.Our requests (prayers) are necessary expressly to strengthen our faith, through which alone can we be saved. "By grace are we saved through faith."²⁸²⁸Ephesians ii. 8."O woman, great is thy faith."²⁹²⁹St. Matthew xv. 28.For this reason the Lord made the woman pray earnestly, in order to awaken her faith and to strengthen it. Such men do not see that they have no faith--the Christian's most precious inheritance, which is as necessary as life itself--that they "make Him a liar"³⁰³⁰1 John i. 10. by their unbelief, and that they are the children of the Devil, unworthy of any of God's mercies; that they are going to destruction. It is also necessary that our hearts should burn during prayer with a desire for spiritual blessings, with love to God, and that we should vividly represent to ourselves His extreme mercy to mankind, and His readiness to hear all our prayers with fatherly love. "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father, which is in heaven, give good things to them that ask him?"³¹³¹St. Matthew vii. 11.

God, being the eternal Truth, does not suffer in us even a moment of doubt in the truth. God, as the eternal Mercy, "will have all men to be saved, and to come into the knowledge of the truth."³²³²1 Timothy ii. 4 And we, the children of the merciful God, 13 also must wish with our whole hearts that all men, and even our enemies, should be saved, and must care for this.

Watch your heart during all your life--examine it, listen to it, and see what prevents its union with the most blessed Lord. Let this be for you the science of all sciences, and with God's help you will easily observe what estranges you from God, and what draws you towards Him and unites you to Him. It is the evil spirit more than anything that stands between our hearts and God; he estranges God from us by various passions, or by the desires of the flesh, by the desires of the eyes, and by worldly pride.

Why should it be wonderful if God Himself, the Creator of all things visible and invisible, transforms, transubstantiates bread and wine into His own most pure Body and His own most pure Blood? In these--in the bread and wine--the Son of God does not become again incarnate, for He was already once incarnate, and this is sufficient unto endless ages; but he is incarnate in the very same flesh in which he was before incarnate, in the same manner as He multiplied the five loaves and fed with these five loaves several thousands of people. There are a great many mysteries in nature which my mind cannot grasp, although they have concrete forms, yet they exist, with their mysteries. So also, in this Sacrament of the life-giving Body and Blood, it is a mystery for me, how the bread and wine are made into the Body and Blood of the Lord Himself--but the mystery of the Body and Blood really exists, although it is incomprehensible to me. My Creator (I am only His clay, for God formed me of flesh and blood and endued me with a spirit), as the Most Wise, the infinitely Almighty God, has innumerable mysteries: I myself am a mystery, as the work of His hands. For my soul there is the Spirit of the Lord, and for my soul and body there are His Body and Blood.

In the same way as the soul carries its body, so God carries the whole universe, all the worlds, being Himself more vast than they are; the soul fills the whole body, and the "Spirit of the Lord filleth the world;"³³³³Wisdom i. 7. only the soul is limited by the body, though not completely, as it may be borne everywhere; and the Spirit of the Lord is not limited by the universe, and is not contained in the world, as the soul is in the Body.

Christ being led into the heart by faith, dwells in it with peace and joy. It is not without reason that it is said of God, "He is Holy, and rests in the saints."³⁴³⁴Exclamation taken from the Vespers.

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Do not forget yourself in looking upon the beauty of the human face, but look upon the soul; do not look upon the man's garment (the body being his temporary garment), but look upon him who is clothed in it. Do not admire the magnificence of the mansion, but look upon the dweller who lives in it and what he is--otherwise, you will offend the image of God in the man, will dishonour the King by worshipping His servant and not rendering unto Him even the least of the honour due to Him. Also--do not look upon the beauty of the printing of a book, but look upon the spirit of the book; otherwise you will depreciate the spirit and exalt the flesh; for the letters are the flesh, and the contents of the book the spirit. Do not be allured by the melodious sounds of an instrument or of a voice, but by their effect upon the soul, or by the words of the song, consider what their spirit is: if the sounds produce upon your soul tranquil, chaste, holy feelings, then listen to them and feed your soul with them; whilst, if they give rise in your soul to passions, then leave off listening to them, and throw aside both the flesh and the spirit of the music.

The inner man, amidst worldly vanity, amidst the darkness of his flesh, is not so bound by the temptations of the evil one, and looks out more freely early in the morning, just after waking up, like a fish, which sometimes throws itself up playfully on the surface of the water. All the remaining time he is enveloped in almost impenetrable darkness, his eyes are covered by a bandage, which conceals from him the true state of things spiritual and physical. Take advantage of these morning hours, which are the hours of a new life, or of a life renewed by temporary sleep. They show us in part that state in which we shall be when we shall rise up renewed on that great and universal morning of the nightless day of resurrection, or when we shall rid ourselves of this mortal body.

Even during prayer, man is for the greater part not the son of freedom, but the slave of necessity and duty. Look at any man you like, even at a priest. Do many of them pray with a free expanded heart, with living faith and love?

During prayer there sometimes occur moments of deadly darkness and spiritual anguish arising from unbelief of the heart (for unbelief is darkness). Do not let your heart fail you at such moments, but remember that if the divine light has been sent off in you, it always shines in all its splendour and greatness in God Himself, in God's Church, in heaven and 15 on earth, and in the material world in which "His eternal power and Godhead are visible." ³⁵³⁵Romans i. 20.Do not think that truth has failed, because truth is God Himself, and everything that exists has its foundation and reason in Him. Only your own weak, sinful and darkened heart can fail in the truth, for it cannot always bear the strength of the light of truth, and is not always capable of containing its purity, but only it is being or has been purified from its sins, as the first cause of spiritual darkness. The proof of this you may find in yourself. When the light of faith or God's truth dwells in your heart, only then is it tranquil, firm, strong, and living; but when this is cut off, then your heart becomes uneasy, weak as a reed shaken by the wind, and lifeless. Do not pay any attention to this darkness of Satan. Drive it away from your heart by making the sign of the life-giving Cross!

Do not spare yourself, but pray earnestly, even if you have been toiling all day. Do not be negligent in holy prayer; say it to God unto the end from your whole heart, for it is a duty you owe to God. Having put your hand to the plough, do not look back.³⁶³⁶St. Luke ix. 62.

If you allow yourself to pray carelessly, and not from your heart, you will not fall asleep (if you pray at night) until you have wiped out by tears your sin before God. This is not so with everybody, however, but only with the more perfect. Take care, then, not to put your flesh before God, and disdain, for His sake, bodily repose. If you have made a rule to read so many prayers (whether they be long or short, fulfil the reading of all of them well), read the prayers with all conscientiousness, and do not do God's work with your heart divided in two, so that only one half belongs to Him and the remaining half to your own flesh. God is a jealous God, and will not suffer your duplicity, your self-pity. He will deliver you up to the Devil, and the Devil will not let your heart rest for your neglect of God, Who is the true peace of your heart, and Who will always do that which is for your own good, so as to keep your heart near Him; for every insincere prayer removes your heart from God and sets it in opposition to you yourself, whilst every earnest prayer draws your heart nearer to God and makes it perpetually godly. Thus, be assured, if you hurry over your prayers, to give rest to your body, you will lose both spiritual and bodily rest. Oh! by what labour, sweat, and tears is the approach of our heart to God gained! Is it possible that we should again make our very prayers (when careless) the means of our estrangement from God, and that God should not be jealous of this? For He pities us and our former labours, and He desires that we should again unfailingly turn to 16 Him with our whole hearts. He wishes that we should always belong to Him.

Without God (without His omnipresence) there cannot be any single motion of my thought or heart: if there is an action, there must be a reason; if there is a consequence, there must be an origin. This is why the Apostle says: "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves" (capable) "to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God."³⁷³⁷2 Corinthians iii. 5. God Himself lives, and that is why my soul also lives.

If my life were prolonged only for a few moments--let us say ten--and five of these ten were moments of peace and quietness, and the remaining five moments of pain and torments, even then I ought undoubtedly to say, "Surely the Giver of Life is with me, and He will provide for me"; likewise, I undoubtedly ought to say, "There is a being in the world Who has the power of death, because the five unfavourable moments must proceed from the being that works against God, for the same cause cannot produce opposite actions. And in me, sinner as I am, at least seventy parts of my spiritual life belong to God, and only thirty parts to the Devil. How is it possible for me, then, not to see my Benefactor constantly before me, and how can I possibly waver mentally in my lively faith in Him?"

Time passes without stopping, and my body, even during my lifetime, constantly changes and passes on, and the whole world as is seen in its motion, also passes on, as though it were hurrying to its appointed end, like a machine set in motion. Where, then, is constancy? Constancy is that which moves and directs all this to its purpose. The first Cause of all that is complex and created is constant, being Itself not complex, and therefore not passing, but eternal. The souls of angels and men, created after the image of the first Cause, are also constant. Everything else is like a soap bubble. I do not lower creation by these words, but only thus speak of it in comparison with the Creator and beatified souls.

Value by its properties that greatest miracle of Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God, as manifested in the communion, with faith, of His divine mysteries. What is the miracle? The peace-giving and life-giving effect upon your heart, slain by sin, which is so apparent after the uneasiness of heart and the spiritual deadness that often precedes communion. Never consider it from habit as anything ordinary or 17 unimportant: by such thoughts and such a disposition of heart you will incur the wrath of God, and you will not enjoy peace nor feel renewed life after communion. By the most lively and heartfelt gratitude for the holy life-giving Sacrament you will obtain life from the Lord and your faith will increase more and more. Fear and uneasiness proceed from unbelief. Consider their arising during communion as a true sign, that by unbelief you are removing yourself from the Life contained in the Cup and do not pay attention to them. O faith! faith! thou thyself art a miracle to us! It is thou that savest us! "Thy faith hath made thee whole."³⁸³⁸St. Mark v. 34.And after lively faith in God's truth we always go from God in peace; whilst, on the contrary, after unbelief, always without peace. Ah! Satan often enters into us after we have unworthily communicated of the Divine Mysteries, and in every way tries to instil his lie into our hearts--that is, unbelief, for unbelief is the same thing as a lie. The destroyer of men now, as of old, tries in every way to destroy men by his lying, and by various thoughts and desires, and having stolen into the heart in the form of unbelief or any passion, he manifests himself in a manner worthy of him, mostly by impatience and malice, and you see that he is in you; but you will not often at once rid yourself of him, because he usually takes care to close every outlet in your heart by unbelief, obduracy, and others of his brood. "Thy labour is in vain, thou fallen angel, I am the servant of my Lord Jesus Christ. Thou that exaltest thyself in thine arrogance, lowerest thyself by thus violently struggling with me, weak as I am." Say thus mentally to the evil spirit, as he lays his heavy load on your heart and compels you to evil of various kinds. These words will be like fiery scourges to the proud spirit, and he, shamed by your firmness and spiritual wisdom, will flee from you. You at once will perceive, feel, and wonder at the marvellous change in you; the heavy, soul-destroying load in your heart will no longer be there; you will feel so relieved, and will be convinced by your feelings that there are spirits of evil hovering around us and constantly seeking our destruction, poisoning our hearts with the poison of dark and evil thoughts, and endeavouring to destroy our love to mankind and fellowship with them.

As all my misfortunes arise in my invisible mind and my invisible heart, therefore I require the invisible Saviour, Who directs our hearts. O my strength, Jesus, Son of God! O Light of my mind! the peace, the joy of my heart--glory to Thee! Glory to Thee, Deliverer from my invisible enemies, 18 that fight against my mind and my heart, slaying me in the very source of my life, in my most sensitive part!

Keep a strict watch against every appearance of pride: it appears imperceptibly, particularly in time of vexation and irritability against others for quite unimportant causes.

The miraculous effect of the life-giving Cross upon our souls, tortured by the poison of evil, proves to us most undoubtedly and clearly: (1) That we have indeed a soul, a spiritual being; (2) That there are evil spirits, harming our souls; (3) That God exists and our Lord Jesus Christ, and that He is always with us through His Divinity; and (4) That He has indeed accomplished our salvation by His sufferings and death on the Cross, and has destroyed the power of the Devil by means of the Cross. How many proofs of the advantage of our faith there are in the wonderful action upon us of the life-giving Cross alone! Glory be to the Christian faith!

Men who are leading a spiritual life see by the eyes of their heart how the Devil lays his snares, how the angels guide us, and how the Lord, in His Sovereign power, allows the temptations, and how He comforts.

The only means by which you can spend the day in perfect holiness, peace, and without sin, is the most sincere, fervent prayer as soon as you rise from sleep in the morning. It will bring Christ into your heart, with the Father and the Holy Ghost, and will thus strengthen and fortify your soul against any evil; but still it will be necessary for you carefully to guard your heart.

Sometimes in the affliction of your soul you wish to die. It is easy to die, and does not take long; but are you prepared for death? Remember that after death the judgment of your whole life will follow.^l3939Hebrews ix. 27 You are not prepared for death, and if it were to come to you, you would shudder all over. Therefore do not waste words in vain. Do not say: "It is better for me to die," but say rather, "How can I prepare for death in a Christian manner?" By means of faith, by means of good works, and by bravely bearing the miseries and sorrows that happen to you, so as to be able to meet death fearlessly, peacefully, and without shame, not as a rigorous law of nature, but as a fatherly call of the eternal, heavenly, holy, and blessed Father unto the everlasting Kingdom. Remember the old man who, being weary of his heavy 19 burden, called for death. When it came he did not wish to die, and preferred to go on carrying his heavy burden.

With the mental eyes of my heart, I see how I mentally breathe Christ in my heart, how He enters into it, and suddenly tranquillises and rejoices it. O, do not leave me to dwell alone, without Thyself, the life-giver, my breath, my joy! It is hard for me to be left without Thee.

Is it possible to pray rapidly without injuring the effect of the prayer? It is possible to those who have learned to pray inwardly with a pure heart. During prayer it is necessary that your heart should sincerely desire that which you ask for, should feel the truth of what you are saying, and this comes naturally to a pure heart. That is why it is capable of praying even rapidly, and at the same time agreeably, to God, as the rapidity in this case does not injure the truth (sincerity) of the prayer. But for those who have not attained the capability of praying sincerely it is necessary to pray slowly, waiting for a corresponding echo in the heart to each word of the prayer. And this is not always soon given to men unaccustomed to prayerful contemplation. Therefore, for such men, it must be laid down as an absolute rule to pronounce the words of the prayer slowly, and with pauses. Wait until every word gives back its corresponding echo in your heart.

Sometimes in his heart a man draws near to God, sometimes he goes far from God, and therefore he experiences either peace and joy, or fear, disturbance, and oppression. The one is life, the other spiritual death. We draw near to God mostly in time of affliction, from which no one can save us but God, to Whom we then turn with our whole heart, and thus approach Him sincerely; whilst we go far from God in times of ease and abundance of earthly blessings, which make the old carnal man proud of himself, and--especially when he thirsts for riches, glory and distinction, and has attained all these--he loses faith from his heart and forgets God, his Judge and Recompenser, forgets the immortality of his soul, and his duty to love God with all his heart and his neighbour as himself.

As an ill-natured man, coming with a request to one who is kind, gentle and meek, for the greater success of his request tries to resemble him, so the Christian, approaching God with a prayer to Him, or to His most pure Mother, or to the angels and saints, in order to insure the success of his prayer, ought to try 20 to resemble as far as possible the Lord Himself, or His most-pure Mother, or the angels and saints. In this lies the secret of drawing near to God, and of His speedily hearing our prayers.

The Holy Trinity sees and hears me; this is the most life-giving assurance for my heart, penetrating it with peace and joy. The benign Mother of God, the Word also sees me, and hears my prayers, and my sighing towards Her, and this is another comforting assurance, constantly realised. Thus will I walk, with the feeling of God's omnipresence and omniscience.

The most striking proof that there is a devil in the world is that men do not feel, or feel very little (though some endeavour to do so),the mercies that God has bestowed upon them in the creation, guidance and redemption: the Devil is a powerful antagonist to everything good and righteous.

The problem of our life is union with God, and sin completely prevents this; therefore flee from sin as from a terrible enemy, as from the destroyer of the soul, because to be without God is death and not life. Let us therefore understand our destination; let us always remember that our common Master calls us to union with Himself.

It is especially necessary for Christians to have a pure heart, so that they may be able to see God with the eyes of the heart, as He is, with His love to us and with all His perfections, as well as to be able to contemplate the beauty of the angels, all the glory of the Holy Virgin, the beauty of Her soul and Her greatness, as the Mother of God, and the beauty of the souls of God's saints, and their love to us; we must see them as they are in themselves, we must contemplate the truths of the Christian faith, with all its sacraments, and feel their greatness; we must see the state of our own souls, and especially our sins. An impure heart--that is, a heart occupied with earthly passions--feeds itself on the carnal desires of the eyes and worldly pride; it cannot see any of the things we have indicated.

Prayer is the lifting up of the mind and heart to God.⁴⁰⁴⁰From Philaret's Catechism.From this it is evident that it is quite impossible for anyone to pray whose mind and heart are attached to anything carnal--for instance, to money or to honours--or who has in his heart passions such as hatred or envy for others, because passions usually contract the heart, in the same way as God expands it and gives it true freedom.

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It is incomprehensible how Jesus Christ is united with the sign of the Cross, and gives it the wonderful power of driving away passions, demons, and to calm the troubled soul. It is likewise incomprehensible how the spirit of our Lord Jesus Christ is united with the bread and wine, transforming them into His own Flesh and Blood, and manifestly cleansing our soul from sins, bringing into it heavenly peace and tranquillity and making it good, gentle, humble, and full of hearty faith and hope. This is partly explained by the fact that the Almighty, creating spirit of our Lord Jesus Christ is everywhere, and that everywhere He "calleth those things which be not as though they were"; ⁴¹⁴¹Romans iv. 17. and therefore much more can He make what exists other from what it was. And in order that the unbelieving heart should not think that both the sign of the Cross and the name of Christ act miraculously by themselves, apart from and independently of Christ Himself, this same Cross and name of Christ do not perform any miracles, until I see Jesus Christ with the eyes of my heart, or by faith, and until I believe with my whole heart all that which He has accomplished for our salvation.

"I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world."⁴²⁴²St. Matthew xxviii. 20.

So it is, Master: Thou art with us throughout all days; we are not a single day without Thee, and we cannot live without Thy presence near us! Thou art with us especially in the Sacrament of Thy Body and Blood. O, how truly and essentially art Thou present in the Holy Mysteries! Thou our Lord in every liturgy takest upon Thyself a vile body similar to ours in every respect save that of sin, and feedest us with Thy life-giving flesh. Through the Sacrament Thou art wholly with us, and Thy Flesh is united to our flesh, whilst Thy Spirit is united to our soul; and we feel this life-giving, most peaceful, most sweet union, we feel that by joining ourselves to Thee in the Holy Eucharist we become one spirit with Thee as it is said: "He that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit."⁴³⁴³1 Corinthians vi. 17.We become like Thee, good, meek and lowly, as Thou hast said of Thyself: "I am meek and lowly in heart."⁴⁴⁴⁴St. Matthew xi. 29True it is that often our evil and blind flesh, or the prince of this world, who dwells in our simple flesh, whispers to us that the Sacrament contains only bread and wine, and not the very Body and Blood of our Lord Himself, and sends sight, taste and feeling as his crafty witnesses to this. But we do not allow ourselves to listen to these calumnies and reason thus. To Thee, Lord, everything is possible: Thou createst the flesh of men, animals, fishes, birds, reptiles, of all creatures, Is it possible that for Thyself, Thou, "Who art everywhere, and fillest everything," wilt not create flesh? Not only this, Thou 22 changest a dead substance into a living one--as, for instance, Moses' rod into the serpent--and there is nothing impossible for Thee. Canst Thou not, therefore, create flesh for Thyself out of bread and wine, which are so near to our flesh, being used for our food and drink, and thus being converted into our own flesh and blood? Thou dost not test our faith more than it can bear, for Thou dost not transubstantiate a lump of earth into Thy most-pure Body, but white bread, soft, clean, pleasant to the taste; and Thou dost not create Thy Blood from water, but from wine, called in Holy Scripture the blood of the grape,⁴⁵⁴⁵Sirach xxxix. 26. corresponding in colour to that of blood, agreeable to the taste, and rejoicing the heart of man. Thou knowest our infirmity, the weakness of our faith, and therefore Thou condescendest to employ in the Sacrament of Thy Body and Blood the substances most suitable to them. Let us, therefore, firmly believe that under the form of bread and wine we communicate of the true Body and of the true Blood of our Lord; that in the mystery of the Holy Communion, Jesus Christ Himself will dwell with us "alway, even unto the end of the world."⁴⁶⁴⁶St. Matthew xxviii. 20.

Our soul is, so to say, a reflection of God's countenance, and the brighter this reflection is, the clearer and calmer is the soul; and the less bright this reflection is, the darker, the more disturbed is the soul. And as our soul is our heart it is necessary that every truth of God should be reflected in it through feeling, through gratitude, and that there should be no reflection in it of any lie. Feel God's love in the most pure mysteries, feel the truth of all prayers. Our heart is a mirror; as the objects of the outer world are reflected in an ordinary mirror, so ought the truth to be reflected with all exactitude in our hearts.

It is good, very good indeed, to be virtuous; the virtuous man is at peace himself, is pleasing to God and agreeable to other people. The virtuous man involuntarily attracts everyone's attention. Why is it so? Because fragrance involuntarily attracts attention and makes everyone wish to breathe it. Look upon the very appearance of the virtuous man, upon his countenance. What sort of a countenance is it? It is the face of an angel. Meekness and humility overspread it, and involuntarily captivate everyone by their beauty. Pay attention to his speech; from it there comes still greater fragrance: here you are as if face to face with his soul, and are enraptured with his sweet converse.

Love calms and agreeably expands the heart and 23 it, whilst hatred painfully contracts and disturbs it. Those who hate others torture and tyrannise over themselves; therefore they are the most foolish of the foolish ones.

When you see your body wasted through sickness, do not murmur against God, but say: "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."⁴⁷⁴⁷Job i. 21.

You are accustomed to look upon your body as upon your own inalienable property, but that is quite wrong, because your body is God's edifice.

What a great personage a priest is! He is in constant converse with God, and God constantly replies to his speech, as whatever the ceremonies of the Church may be, whatever his prayers, he is speaking to God, and whatever the ceremonies of the Church may be and whatever his prayers, the Lord answers him. How, under these circumstances, when assaulted by passions, can the priest forget that such passions are base, impure, especially for him, and that it is impossible to let them enter into his heart, which Jesus Christ alone ought to fill entirely? A priest is an angel and not a man; everything worldly ought to be left far away behind him. O Lord, "let thy priests be clothed with righteousness"⁴⁸⁴⁸Psalm cxxxii. 9.; let them always remember the greatness of their calling and do not let them be entangled in the nets of the world and the Devil; let them be saved from "the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering into their hearts." ⁴⁹⁴⁹St. Mark iv. 19.

There are innumerable and various ways by means of which the Devil enters into our soul and removes it from God, pressing upon it with all his being, dark, hateful, and destroying. Whatever the motion of passion may be, he finds a way, and does not neglect the least opportunity of entering the soul. Likewise there are innumerable and various ways for the Holy Ghost to enter it: the way of sincere faith, of true humility, of love to God and to our neighbour, and so on. But, to our misfortune, the destroyer of men from time immemorial makes every effort to obstruct, by all possible means, all these ways for the Holy Ghost to enter the soul. The most usual way to God for us sinners, who have strayed from Him into a far-away land, is the way of painful suffering and bitter tears. Both the Holy Scriptures and actual experience testify that, in order to draw near to God, it is necessary for the sinner to suffer, weep, shed tears, and to amend his deceitful heart: "Draw nigh to God .... be 24 afflicted, and mourn, and weep."⁵⁰⁵⁰James iv. 8 and 9.Tears have power to cleanse the wickedness of our heart, and sufferings and affliction are necessary, because through suffering the sinful expansion of the heart is salutarily contracted, and when the heart is thus contracted, tears more easily flow.

When the Devil is in our heart, then we feel an unusual, overwhelming load and fire in the breast and in the heart. The soul contracts extremely and darkens, everything irritates it, it feels an aversion to every good work; the words and acts of other persons in reference to ourselves we interpret falsely and see in them ill-will and designs against our honour, and therefore we feel a deep, deadly hatred towards them; we are infuriated and long for vengeance. "By their fruits ye shall know them."⁵¹⁵¹St. Matthew vii. 20. There are days when the spirit of evil disturbs me.

Men have fallen into unbelief because they have either completely lost the spirit of prayer, or never had it at all, nor have it now--in short, because they do not pray. The prince of this world has full scope for action in the hearts of such men; he becomes their master. They have not asked and do not ask God's grace in prayer (for God's gifts are only given to those who ask and seek), and thus their hearts, corrupt by nature, become dried up without the vivifying dew of the Holy Ghost, and at last from their extreme dryness they take fire, and blaze with the infernal flame of unbelief and various passions, and the Devil only knows how to inflame the passions that keep up this terrible fire, and triumphs at the sight of the ruin of the unfortunate souls that were redeemed by the blood of Him who has trampled the power of Satan under foot.

A morning prayer. O, God! Creator and Master of the World! Mercifully protect Thy creature, adorned with Thy Godly image, in these morning hours: Let Thine eyes, millions and millions of times brighter than the rays of the sun, vivify and enlighten my soul, darkened and slain by sin. Deliver me from despondency and slothfulness, grant me joy and vigour of soul, so that with a glad heart I may praise Thy mercy, Thy holiness, Thy boundless greatness, and Thy infinite perfections, at every hour and in every place. For Thou, Lord, art my Creator and the Master of my life, and to Thee Thy reasonable creatures every hour ascribe glory and praise, both now and for ever and to ages of ages. Amen.

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From the time when man, by his own will, fell away from God, he, like an animal that was once domestic, but afterwards grew wild in a thick forest, reluctantly looks back upon the place of his former abode, preferring the darkness of the forest--that is, of this world--to the light of the former place--that is, of God's paradise. It is difficult for him to unite himself to God, and when so united, he often falls away again from Him. It is difficult for him to sincerely believe in God, and in all that He has opened to him, and he does not constantly strive to preserve in his heart the Heavenly gift of faith.

If God does not leave a blade of grass, a flower, or a small leaf of a tree without His good providence, will He leave us? O, let every man be convinced with his whole heart that God is true to Himself in His providence for even the least of His creatures. Let him understand that the Creator invisibly dwells in all His creatures. In the words of our Saviour, God clothes the grass of the field, feeds the fowls of the air.⁵²⁵²St, Matthew vi. 26-30.

In how many ways does not God rejoice us, His creatures, even by flowers? Like a tender mother, in His eternal power and wisdom, He every summer creates for us, out of nothing, these most beautiful plants. Let us enjoy them, not forgetting to glorify the goodness of the Creator, our heavenly Father; let us on our part, too, reply to His love by loving hearts.

He that does not believe in the God Who saves us in difficult circumstances, but is faint-hearted; he that does not wish to render glory to God, that represents Him as not vigilant, but sleeping, not all-powerful and not merciful, thinks falsely of the God of truth, and thus sins grievously. Especially inexcusable are faint-heartedness and unbelief in the man who has already been deemed worthy of often receiving marvellous help from God the Saviour. O, how great a sinner I am!

The invisible, all-pervading God often and sensibly touches my invisible soul, which, from this touch, enjoys wonderful rest and heavenly joy. It is not the eyes which give me tidings of my God (ordinary feelings are destined for the lower objects of creation), not the hearing by means of words or sounds of the voice that carries to me the message of the Incomprehensible, but the soul itself becomes, so to say, dissolved in God.

When you are disturbed and depressed by the wickedness 26 of men, remember how boundlessly you are beloved by the Almighty and All-righteous God, Who suffers the evil until the time comes, and then will justly punish it. You cannot master yourself, your tongue, or one single member of your body. Judge by this what He must be, Who governs the whole world, Who keeps it in such wonderful order, Who governs the whole of mankind, evil, perverted as we are, ever ready as we are to destroy each other, and yet meanwhile more prosperous than needy under His sovereignty. How almighty and wise must He be to govern such heterogeneous multitudes! Trust in Him entirely.

When the matter relates to God's Mysteries, do not inwardly ask: how can this be? You do not know how God created the whole world from nothing; you cannot and may not know here either how God mysteriously works. God's mystery must remain a mystery for you, because you are not God, and cannot know all that is known to the eternally Wise, Almighty God. You are the work of His hands: His most insignificant creature. Remember that there was a time when there was nothing and that afterwards all that now exists was created out of nothing by the Word of God. "Without Him was not anything made that was made."⁵³⁵³St. John i. 3.

You who pray, give God your heart, that loving true heart, with which you love your children, your father and mother, your benefactors and friends, and in which you feel the sweetness of pure unfeigned love.

Sometimes during a long-continued prayer only a few minutes are really pleasing to God and constitute true prayer and true service to God. The chief thing in prayer is the nearness of the heart to God, as proved by the sweetness of God's presence in the soul.

"Let it be as I will, and not as thou wilt." Such is the mighty voice of God, which our soul ever hears when it has fallen into sin and desires to emerge from a state of spiritual, sinful affliction. "Let it be as I will: either repent from the depths of your heart in proportion to the sin, and return to the road that leads to life, shown by Me; either bear the punishment, corresponding to the sin and determined by My justice, or your sin will torment you as a deviation from My laws." And only then will our soul enjoy peace when we truly repent from the depths of our heart in proportion 27 to the sin, or bear the punishment due from God. O! Almighty and most just power of our God, invisibly governing our invisible souls, all glory to Thee, glory to Thee, God our Saviour! Thy will be done in us!

How easily and speedily the Lord can save us!--instantaneously, unexpectedly, imperceptibly. Often during the day I have been a great sinner, and at night, after prayer, I have gone to rest, justified and whiter than snow by the grace of the Holy Ghost, with the deepest peace and joy in my heart! How easy it will be for the Lord to save us too in the evening of our life, at the decline of our days! O! save, save, save me, most gracious Lord; receive me in Thy heavenly Kingdom! Everything is possible to Thee." To his own master he standeth or falleth. Yes, he shall be holden up: for the Lord is able to make him stand."⁵⁴⁵⁴Rom. xiv. 4.

That which is especially important and constitutes the life of the being the Creator has placed and concealed far away in the very depths within that being; we see this everywhere. Thus in the man the soul is in the very midst of his being--in the heart; and therefore the soul is often called the heart and the heart the soul. "Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me, my heart within me is desolate."⁵⁵⁵⁵Psalm cxliii. 4.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."⁵⁶⁵⁶Psalm li. 10.

Our God is "merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy."⁵⁷⁵⁷Psalm ciii. 8.

He is not a God of torments and punishments. Our torments are the fruit of our sins and the work of the incorporeal fallen spirits. Therefore if you suffer grievously, only blame your sins and the Devil, but chiefly yourself, because the Devil would not do you any harm if he did not find anything in you that he could fasten on to.

"I the Lord thy God am a jealous God."⁵⁸⁵⁸Exodus xx. 5.

"My glory will I not give to another."⁵⁹⁵⁹Isaiah xlii. 8.These words of the God of glory are fulfilled every time when in my heart I ascribe the glory of my God's works, accomplished in me by the Holy Gifts, to anything or anybody else and do not ascribe them with my whole heart to Him. He instantly becomes jealous of the glory of His righteous, ever-miraculous, vivifying Mysteries, and in His justice punishes my soul with His Fatherly rod! O then my soul clearly hears the voice of its God: "My glory will I not give to another. As you 28 do not ascribe to Me the glory due to Me, so evident to you in my Mysteries, I strike you inwardly with the rod of My truth so that you may thus know and heartily believe that I never will give My glory to another. I cleanse your sins and make your soul whiter than snow by My blood; I visit your soul with peace and joy; I warm and cherish you as a mother cherishes her child, and I instil within you My meekness and humility; I pour love into your heart; I completely transform and change you--to your own wonder into a new man--and to whom else shall I give the glory of My works? I am eternally unchangeable. 'God is not a man, that He should lie; neither the son of man, that He should repent.'" ⁶⁰⁶⁰Numbers xxiii. 19.

The invisible God acts upon my soul as if He were visible, as if He were present here before me, knowing all my thoughts and feelings; every inward slothfulness, stubbornness, or other passion is always accompanied by a corresponding punishment. In general, if my inward disposition is unworthy of God, of His holiness, then I suffer punishment for it in my heart, a devouring fire; and if it is a worthy one, then I am joyful and at peace.

No, whatever you may say, a man is sometimes too irritable and too evil to be so of himself, but he becomes so through the most zealous endeavours of the Devil. Only watch yourself or others at the time of irritation and wickedness, when you yourself or anyone else would wish to destroy the person who is inimical to you, really or in your imagination; compare this state with that which follows it (sometimes soon afterwards by the action of your Guardian Angel, tranquillity, meekness and kindness, either in yourself or in anyone whom you watch) with the former opposite condition, and you will say to yourself: "No, this seems quite a different man from him, who, not long ago, was so full of evil and rage; this man is the one' out of whom the devils were departed, sitting at the feet of Jesus [meek and humble], clothed and in his right mind.'⁶¹⁶¹St. Luke viii. 35. In him there is not even a shadow of the former wickedness and the former foolishness!" Some deny the existence of evil spirits; but such phenomena in the human life clearly prove their existence. If every phenomenon has its corresponding reason, and if the tree is to be judged by its fruits, then who will not see in the madly-infuriated man the presence of the evil spirit, who cannot show himself otherwise than in a manner worthy of him? Who will not see the chief of all evil in the outpouring of anger? Besides 29 this, a man subjected to irritability and breathing malice clearly feels the presence of a hostile evil power in his breast; it produces in the soul quite the reverse of that which has been said by the Saviour of His own presence: "My yoke is easy and my burden is light."⁶²⁶²St. Matthew xi. 30.By the presence of the former spirit one feels ill at ease and oppressed, both in body and soul.

You hear in church oftener than anything the voices of the priests, deacons, readers, and singers praying God to have mercy upon us. What does this signify? It signifies that all of us who are in God's Temple are deserving, by our sins, of God's punishment, and that before everything--on our coming into the church--we must remember that we are sinners, and have come to the Lord of Heaven and Earth, to our Creator and Benefactor, Whom we have daily and hourly angered by our iniquities, to ask for mercy, each one for himself, and also, in accordance with Christian love, for others. The prayers asking for mercy are called in the Russian orthodox Church "great," "small," and "redoubled." As there is not a single superfluous word in the church service, it is especially necessary at the time of the singing of the redoubled litany to pray to God most fervently, from the very depths of a most contrite heart, as we are reminded at the very beginning of the litany by the words: "Let us say with our whole souls and with our whole understanding." At this time we must lay aside even the slightest coldness, the slightest inattention of heart, and, burning with the spirit of humility, becoming all attention, offer up to the Creator our most fervent prayers to have mercy upon us sinners. But what do we see at the time of the exclamations of the priest and the singing by the singers of the great and redoubled litany? For the greater part, the usual inattention and indifference on the part of those praying.

As after having unworthily communicated, so also after having prayed unworthily and coldly, our soul feels equally ill at ease. This means that God does not enter our heart, being offended at its unbelief and coldness, and allows the evil spirit to nestle in our hearts, in order to make us feel the difference between His own presence and its yoke.

A terrible truth. Impenitent sinners after their death lose every possibility of changing for good, and therefore remain unalterably given up to everlasting torments (for sin cannot but torment). How is this proved? It is plainly proved by the actual state of some sinners and by the nature of sin itself--to keep the man its prisoner and to close every 30 outlet to him. Who does not know how difficult it is, without God's special grace, for a sinner to turn from the way of sin that is so dear to him into the path of virtue? How deeply sin takes root in the heart of the sinner, and in all his being! how it gives the sinner its own way of looking at things, by means of which he sees them quite differently to what they are in reality, and shows him everything in a kind of alluring light! It is for this reason that we see that sinners very often do not even think of their conversion, and do not consider themselves to be great sinners, because their eyes are blinded by their self-love and pride. And if they do consider themselves sinners, then they give themselves up to the most terrible despair, which overwhelms their mind with thick darkness and greatly hardens their heart. But for the grace of God, what sinner would have returned to God? For it is the nature of sin to darken our souls, to bind us hand and foot. But the time and place for the action of grace is here alone: after death there remain only the prayers of the Church, and these prayers can be efficacious for penitent sinners alone--that is, only for those who have developed in their souls the capability of receiving God's mercy or of benefiting by the prayers of the Church--that is, the light of the good works which they have taken with them out of this life. Impenitent sinners are undoubtedly sons of perdition. What does my experience tell me when I am the prisoner of sin? I am tormented sometimes the whole day, and cannot turn to God with my whole heart, because sin hardens my heart, making God's mercy inaccessible to me. I burn in the fire, and willingly remain in it, because sin has bound my powers, and I--like one inwardly chained--am unable to turn to God until He, seeing my helplessness, my humility, and my tears, takes pity on me and bestows His grace upon me. It is not without reason that a man given over to sin is spoken of as "delivered into chains of darkness."⁶³⁶³2 Peter ii. 4.

Your spiritual life is clearly divided into two states, differing acutely one from the other: into a state of peace, joy, expansion of heart, and into a state of suffering, fear and contraction of heart. The causes of the first state are the actions of your soul when in conformity with the Creator's laws; and the cause of the second state, the transgression of His holy laws. I always can and do notice the beginning of one or the other state; I have the consciousness of the one and the other state. Therefore it always happens that by doing away with the reasons from which the state of suffering and contraction of heart have proceeded, the consequences--that is, the suffering and the contraction of the soul--are also done away with.

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"Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates."⁶⁴⁶⁴2 Corinthians xiii. 5, 13. Truly, Christ dwells in me. Meanwhile, I have until now been a reprobate; I did not think and was not firmly convinced that the Lord is in me. It is He, the All-Holy, that is so sensitive in me to the slightest impurity of heart; it is He Who incites me to drive away from my soul the very germ of sin in the heart. But, alas! Satan is also there, ready to devour me at every step, and contest me from God.

When you are struck by other people's suffering, and the contraction of their souls, so that you are induced to pray for them with a pitying and contrite heart, pray to God to have mercy upon them and to forgive them their sins, as you would pray for the forgiveness of your own sins--that is, implore God with tears to pardon them; likewise pray for the salvation of others as you would pray for your own salvation. If you attain to this and make it a habit, you will receive from God an abundance of spiritual gifts, the gifts of the Holy Ghost, Who loves the soul that cares for the salvation of others, because He Himself, the most Holy Spirit, wishes to save us all in every possible way, if only we do not oppose Him, and do not harden our hearts." The Spirit Itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."⁶⁵⁶⁵Romans viii. 26.

We often hear from others, or sometimes read in the works of others, what God has placed in our mind and heart, what we ourselves have cherished--that is, we often meet our favourite thoughts in others, and it seems to us as though they had been taken away from us, as though they had been new ones and formed our own exclusive property. Presumptuous thoughts! What? Is there not only one God, the Lord of all intellects? Is not His Spirit in all who seek for truth? Have we not one sole Enlightener, "which lighteth every man that cometh into the world."⁶⁶⁶⁶St. John i. 9.

Glory to the one God, Glory to Him Who loves all and bountifully bestows upon all His spiritual and bodily gifts! Glory to Him who is no respecter of persons and Who reveals the mysteries of His love, omnipotence and wisdom unto babes!⁶⁷⁶⁷St. Luke x. 21.

God's saints are near to believing hearts and, like the truest and kindest of friends, are ready in a moment to help the faithful and pious who call upon them with faith and love. We have for the most part to send, and have sometimes to wait long for earthly helpers, whilst we have not to send for nor wait long for spiritual helpers: the faith of Him who prays can place them 32 close to his very heart in a moment, and he will as speedily receive through faith full spiritual help. In saying this, I speak by experience; by this I mean the frequent deliverance from affliction of heart through the intercession and patronage of the saints, and especially through the intercession of Our Lady, the Holy Virgin Mary. Probably some would say that this is the action of simple and firm faith, and a determined assurance in our deliverance from affliction, and not the intercession of the saints for us before God. No, it is not so. How can this be proved? It can be proved by the fact that if I do not call upon the saints known to me in hearty prayer, without making any distinction, if I do not see them with my spiritual vision, then I shall obtain no help, however great assurance I may have felt of being saved without their help. I recognise, I feel clearly, that I receive help through the names of those saints upon whom I have called, because of my lively faith in them. This happens just as everything happens in the usual order of earthly things. First, I see my helpers by means of earnest faith; then, seeing them, I pray to them also with my whole heart, invisibly but intelligibly to myself; after this, having received invisible help in quite an imperceptible manner, but sensibly to my soul, I simultaneously receive a strong conviction that this help has been obtained from them, just as a sick man, cured by a doctor, is convinced that he has been cured precisely by that doctor, and not by anyone else; that his illness has passed away not by itself, but through the help of this particular doctor. All this comes to pass so simply that it is only necessary to have eyes in order to see.

I am a man--and the grace, the truth and the righteousness of God are continually working within me. It is God Who at one time cherishes and comforts me, and at another punishes and afflicts me with sorrows for any inward motion of the soul adverse to Him. But the earth is full of men like me. Therefore, in them also God manifests His mercy, truth and righteousness, as in myself. "He worketh all in all."⁶⁸⁶⁸Corinthians xii. 6.

Let no one think that sin is something unimportant--no, sin is a terrible evil, that destroys the soul, both now and in the future life. The sinner in the future life will be bound hand and foot (meaning the soul) and cast into outer darkness. As the Saviour said: "Bind him hand and foot and cast him into outer darkness;"⁶⁹⁶⁹St. Matthew xxii. 13. that is, he entirely loses the freedom of his spiritual powers, which, being created for free activity, suffer through this a kind of overwhelming inactivity for every 33 good work: in his soul the sinner recognises his powers and at the same time he feels that these powers are bound by unbreakable chains--"he shall be holden with the cords of his sin." ⁷⁰⁷⁰Proverbs v. 22.To this must be added the terrible torment arising from the very sins themselves, from the consciousness of our own foolishness during the earthly life, and from the image of the angry Creator. Even in this present life sin binds and destroys the soul. What God-fearing man does not know what sorrow and oppression strike his soul, what torturing, burning fire rages in his breast when he has sinned? But besides binding and destroying the soul as it does temporarily, sin also destroys it eternally if we do not repent here of our sins and our iniquities from our whole heart. Here is also a proof by experience that sin destroys the soul temporarily and eternally. If it happens to any God-fearing person to go to sleep without having repented of the sin, or the sins, he has committed durin